Monuments Transforming the Rules of Engagement

By Bethlehem Shoals
Sometimes, you are confronted with a sentence so garbled, so strange, and so utterly insane, that it’s like looking at a trainwreck on top of a bus accident. In these cases, it is your ancestral duty to inform the world of it, so that they might breath in its healing vapors and follow its teachings. Or at least not repeat its errors.
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Today, that sentence comes to you from Yahoo!‘s Adrian Wojarnowski, discussing the murky relationship between LeBron James and Jay-Z. Buckle up and get ready:
[quote="Adrian Wojarnowski"]Jay-Z talked of a tomorrow when these two monuments to music and basketball will transform the rules of engagement for the iconic performer, one witness said. He talked of making history.[/quote]
I have absolutely no idea what this means. None. Jay-Z and LeBron are “monuments to music and basketball”? I thought they were a rap mogul and a ball player. George Washington wasn’t a monument to the American Presidency; that phallic thing on The Mall is. Also, I thought that “the rules of engagement” had to do with chasing spies with the help of satellites, or lining up against enemy armies like the British once did, which frankly, doesn’t work anymore. And who are they engaging, each other?
Wait a minute, why “for the inconic performer?” Bron Bron doesn’t get no transformation, just Jay? Please help me—if history is going to be made, I want to know what the hell is going on.
(Woj, no hard feelings. I know that in this business, there’s a hundred steps between your word processor and going live. And like I’m one to lecture someone else on hyperbolic writing.)↵