The Top Seven Best Nicknames for Shaq in Phoenix

By Spencer Hall
Shaquille O’Neal is at his most charming when changing cities, and it usually means Shaq giving himself a new nickname, as he often does at big moments in his career.
This does represent a new challenge for O’Neal, who needs a new nickname for his tenure in Phoenix when many say he is a player clearly in the grips of physical decline. A difficult task, for sure, even for a master of self-promotion like O’Neal.
Therefore, I offer my services free of charge. Seven suggestions for O’Neal’s New Nicknames in Phoenix:
7. “The Big Termite.” Because he’ll be eating a hole in your bench soon enough.
6. “The Big 15.” As in minutes played a night.
5. “Senor Saguaro.” Big as an Arizona cactus, and nearly as mobile. Hurts when you run into it, though.
4. “The Hoover Damn!” As in, if he’s in shape, Hoovering up rebounds with a ferocity that will make you say, “Damn!” Or, if he decides not to work out, piling in food like a vacuum cleaner and big enough to make you say, “Damn!”
3. Call him “Health Insurance,” because he’s gonna kill your payroll sooner or later.
2. “Phoenix Squared.” Get it? Because he’s in Phoenix, and is going to come back like a Phoenix from the ashes? Huh? Feelin’ it! Right? (Crickets, crickets...)
1. “The Big Ptolemy.” A variation on his earlier nickname, “The Big Aristotle,” except this time, like the Egyptian philosopher, he’ll argue that the Sun(s) go around him, not the other way around.↵