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Come Fan with UsSunday, August 9, 2026

Joey Porter Just Naturally Hates The Patriots

Joey Porter has many refined kind of hatreds. He has a lower class hate for haters, and a minor hate for green cars (because green cars are the devil and if you have to ask why you’ll never know.) He has a hate for miniature ponies who dare to look the wrong way at his dogs, and he most especially has an all-caps HATE for the New England Patriots.

↵So yeah, I have a natural hate for them. Period. And that’s just gonna be with me forever.”↵It’s a clean, natural hate Joey Porter has, unlike you Shawn Merriman, over there injecting yourself with fake hate. USDA approved, no artificial preservatives, grass-fed hate. They could bottle it and sell this at Whole Foods for your pansy yuppie asses to shoot into your eyeballs so you could be one one-hundredths as mannish as Joey Porter. How’d it get so good with Joey Porter’s hate? Real simple:

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Porters_2_spleens_medium

Two spleens: one for you punks, and one solely for the New England Patriots. Nature wanted him to be this way, and you can't hate on Mother Nature because she will slap you with a hurricane or something like that.

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