I Don’t Wanna Live in a World Where Booze Is Banned at Canadian Sporting Events

The Blue Jays’ home opener on Monday against the Tigers was delayed for several minutes after fans threw baseballs, along with paper planes and beer cups, at Detroit’s outfielders. It resulted in Jim Leyland pulling his team off the field and then promptly resuming his hands-down-pants position on the bench while waiting for a ball boy to fetch him a Marlboro Red and a glass of milk:↵

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↵Purely by coincidence, booze was banned completely from last night’s game in Toronto. The Alcohol and Gaming Commission of Ontario decided to suspend alcohol sales at the Rogers Centre for both of this month’s “Messin’ With Recession” games, during which fans can buy tickets for $4. One of those games was Tuesday night, the other is on April 21. The bans are a result of past transgressions at the arena, which were explained as such:↵↵⇥Signs posted Tuesday at stadium entrances listed five reasons for the license suspension: permitting drunkenness, permitting the use of narcotics, selling and serving to apparent minors, failure to request approved identification and permitting illegal liquor on the premises. ↵↵In other words, “fun” was banned from the Rogers Centre last night and will be again on the 21st. It’s not just the fans who have to stay sober -- the players aren’t getting any hooch either as the clubhouses were cleared of booze, too. So at least everyone in the arena will be equally bored. ↵↵Shockingly, this isn’t the first time Canadians have had too much to drink at a sporting event. Last year, the team had to ban alcohol sales for three games in May and June after brawls erupted in the upper deck. It’s almost like the franchise is trying to put a damper on all of my most cherished and hilarious Canadian stereotypes. ↵

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