Either Manny Is a Woman, Or He Was on Some Sort of Steroids Cycle

Brett Favre is trying to steal Manny Ramirez’s thunder, but we aren’t gonna let him. Now, we’re sticking with Manny because, frankly, the details of his failed test are just more interesting. And less likely to do a complete 180 in the next couple days.↵↵When news broke, I was giving Manny the benefit of the doubt, taking his word that the failed test was just the result of an innocent medication prescribed to him by a doctor. After finding out what he allegedly tested positive for, well, it’s not looking good.↵

↵↵ESPN and Yahoo! report that the banned substance in question is human chorionic gonadotropin, or HCG, which is a female fertility drug. I realize that means nothing to you, so here, let Wikipedia explain exactly why a male would be injecting himself with this:↵

↵↵⇥In males, hCG mimics LH and helps restore and maintain testosterone production in the testes. As such, hCG is commonly used during and after steroid cycles to maintain and restore testicular size as well as endogenous testosterone production. However, if hCG is used for too long and in too high a dose, the resulting rise in natural testosterone will eventually inhibit its own production via negative feedback on the hypothalamus and pituitary. ↵↵In other words, you take it after you’re finished with whatever steroids you’re taking so that you don’t turn into a woman. Basically. So while he didn’t specifically test positive for what we’d traditionally consider steroids, he tested positive for a drug that a male would only take after having done steroids. Smoking gun, and all that.↵↵Or -- and I hate to get into conspiracy theories (leave that to US Weekly’s finest) -- maybe Manny is actually a woman, in which case it would be entirely normal and common for him to take HCG in hopes of increasing his fertility. Yeah, you’re right, it’s probably the coming-off-steroids thing. But at this point, any excuse is worth exploring if it means saving Manny 50 games off and $7.7 million. ↵

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