General

Job In Sports Not So Far-Fetched

Aug 20, 2009, 5:15 PM UTC

This edition of Will Leitch's column, Will's World,

first appeared in the August 17 edition of Sporting News magazine. If you are not receiving the magazine, subscribe today, or pick up a copy, available at most Barnes & Noble, Borders and Hudson Retail outlets.â†µâ†µLast issue, I asked you to come up withâ†µthe sports you’d most want to playâ†µprofessionally. As I probably should haveâ†µsuspected, baseball and golf were theâ†µoverwhelming winners. The reasons areâ†µobvious: Neither sport requires muchâ†µrunning, and neither involves huge peopleâ†µpunching you or tackling you. Makes sense.â†µThis is Sporting News, not Runner’s World.â†µ

â†µâ†µThe notion of that column was simple andâ†µfanciful: Obviously, you and I would neverâ†µactually work in the world of sports. Youâ†µhave a real job; I type quickly enough to makeâ†µpeople think I do. I pretty much assumedâ†µthe St. Louis Cardinals wouldn’t keep myâ†µresume on file.â†µ

â†µâ†µBut last month, Mets general managerâ†µOmar Minaya called out New York Daily Newsâ†µreporter Adam Rubin for writing negativeâ†µstories about the Mets after having askedâ†µabout a job with the team. Note: I knowâ†µRubin and think he’s an outstandingâ†µreporter, and Minaya later had to apologize.â†µ(Twice.) But I don’t really care about that. Iâ†µhad no idea you could just ask for a job with aâ†µteam. I assumed that door was closed to theâ†µrest of us and had been for some time.â†µ

â†µâ†µAs a youth league baseball player, around 12â†µor 13, I was an above-average defensive catcherâ†µbut too small to bat higher than eighth in theâ†µorder, and my arm was too weak to throw outâ†µany baserunner who didn’t fall down. If I hadâ†µthe potential to make it to the big leagues, I’dâ†µcertainly need to already be the best playerâ†µin Mattoon, Ill., and I was a far cry fromâ†µthat. This seemed obvious to me, and I wasâ†µsurprised it didn’t seem obvious to my dad.â†µ

â†µ

â†µ“Dad, let’s face it,” I said, trying to soundâ†µknowing and world-wise, the way adultsâ†µtalked when they were in the other roomâ†µdrinking margaritas while we kids wereâ†µplaying Nintendo and pretending weâ†µcouldn’t hear them. “I’m never going to be aâ†µmajor leaguer. It’s just not realistic.”â†µ

â†µâ†µMy father, then just 37, a little older thanâ†µI am now, looked a little tired, slower, a littleâ†µvacant when I said that. Now that I thinkâ†µabout it, it seems like we played a lot lessâ†µcatch after that, a lot less than we used to.â†µ

â†µâ†µThey say all sportswriters secretly wantâ†µto be athletes, and having played in mediaâ†µsoftball leagues in New York, I can confirmâ†µthis to be true. But I know I’m never goingâ†µto play baseball professionally. I’ve acceptedâ†µthat. (Finally.) But you can just go up askâ†µteams for jobs? Baseball teams are hiring?â†µSweet! John Mozeliak, general managerâ†µof the Cardinals, consider this my openâ†µapplication letter. I won’t even pull an Adamâ†µRubin and write terrible things about yourâ†µteam. That’s an awful job interview.â†µ

â†µâ†µI even know what job I want: Jeff Murphy’sâ†µjob. Jeff Murphy (pictured above) is the bullpen catcher forâ†µthe Cardinals. Last week, a reader namedâ†µMatt, responding to the sports job question,â†µsummed up why bullpen catcher is the bestâ†µjob in sports: “I would get to visit variousâ†µdifferent professional ballparks in variousâ†µcities, I would get to see baseball games liveâ†µalmost every day during the baseball season,â†µI would get to hang out with real stars, andâ†µI would get to wear a team uniform. I wouldâ†µnever be at fault for any of my team’s failuresâ†µbut would be able to celebrate when the teamâ†µaccomplishes something. I could never workâ†µout, party every night, show up to work hungâ†µover every day, and nobody would really care,â†µnor would my actions really affect my team’sâ†µsuccess or failures.”â†µ

â†µâ†µSounds good to me! Mr. Mozeliak, haveâ†µyour people call my people.â†µ

â†µ

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