Want To Make Guacamole For The Super Bowl? Get Started. Now.

Guacamole, without question, is the finest of foods. It should be eaten by everyone at all times; unfortunately, many people only indulge in it during Super Bowl parties. Why am I posting this on Friday night? Because, friend, if you want to make good guacamole on Sunday, you must act decisively and immediately.

↵If you wait until Sunday to go to the grocery store, the remaining avocados could very well be hard as a rock. You do not want this. Go to the store tonight and choose a few avocados -- a good rule of thumb is about one or two per person. It’s best if they’re pretty hard, but have the slightest amount of give if you press them. By Sunday, they should be softened up enough to be suitable for guacamole.

↵Buy Hass avocados. Trying to make good guacamole with those huge green avocados is a fool’s errand, unless you want your guacamole to taste like baby food.

↵Keep your avocados at room temperature. Do not refrigerate them under any circumstances.

↵If your Super Bowl party starts at around 5:00 (kickoff is at 6:25), you’ll want to start making guacamole no earlier than 4:00. Any earlier and it will take on a brownish hue; much later and the ingredients won’t have enough time to sink in.

↵Do not use powdered guacamole mix. The list of things that are acceptable to put in guacamole is very, very short, and this BULLCRAP is not on it. This also applies to bacon.

↵You want your avocados to be mashed up pretty well, but still have a somewhat chunky texture. You don’t want the sort of homogeneous paste that plagues ready-made guacamole. In other words, do not use a blender.

↵Some fresh lemon or lime juice is essential. Cilantro is good, canned green chilies are good, salt is good. Some finely diced tomato is also a good idea as long as it’s seeded -- you don’t want it to end up watery. You should probably limit the number of additional veggies to two.

↵When you’re done mixing everything, cover it and set it in the refrigerator for about a half hour, then enjoy. For added enjoyment, wait for someone to say, “eww, I don’t like guacamole. Do you have any nacho cheese dip?” Mock him or her for being an indignant child.