Earlier today, friends, you and I set upon the task of understanding -- or at least trying to understand -- this baseball card.
RESULTS: Frank Thomas’ 1992 Fleer Baseball Card, Explained
And once again, y’all came through, supplying insightful hypotheses and compelling questions alike. Here are some of the best.
If he is, in fact, at bat or in some sort of hovering on-deck circle, he should be wearing a batting helmet.
Even if he weren’t at-bat or about to bat, I would suggest wearing a helmet anyway because 1) he’s in space, meaning he’s liable to explode according to my knowledge of cartoon astrophysics (better make it a astronaut helmet), and 2) there’s a bomb behind his head.
- SBNation.com member 85
That didn’t occur to me. If you’re batting, you should wear a helmet. If you’re in space, you should wear a helmet. If you’re batting in space, you REALLY REALLY NEED TO WEAR A HELMET, DUDE.
That’s no moon!
As spoken, of course, by Obi-Wan Ken Oberkfell. (Do you have any idea how long I’ve been sitting on that one? Years. YEARS.)
Wait - this is space!
Dynamite won’t explode in space.
- SBNation.com member smk73
QUIET YOU
Did the White Sox ever not have their names on the backs of their uniforms? If they’ve always been there, why is Frank Thomas wearing a Yankees jersey?
- My friend Adam Cz.
And... yep. To recap, we’re now at “one-armed 25-mile-high Frank Thomas plays for the Yankees in outer space with an exploding bat in the general vicinity of the Death Star.”
The Soviet Union dissolved in 1991. Bombs were cheap, Frank was rich.
And around the same general timeframe, the world’s cork supply began to dwindle. Makes sense.
But the winner, though... the winner is this guy. First, consider the numbers that are visible on this card:
35 (Thomas’ uniform number)
09 (clock)
18 (clock)
92 (year on trademark)
Deep breath.
That timer actually predicted that Frank Thomas
would be 0 for 5 with 3 Ks on 9-18-92. CREEEPY.
This world-altering revelation is brought to us by Every6thDay, who at present is probably busy swordfighting an Illuminati agent on the roof of a Munich cathedral. Good luck, friend! Don’t forget to parry and thrust!
Thanks once again for helping me get to the bottom of yet another baseball mystery. To keep apprised of the next Imperative Baseball Debate, please follow me on Twitter.
Together, as always, we will find the answers.
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