This Week In GIFs: Stay inbounds or suffer

After a one-week hiatus, THIS WEEK IN GIFs returns. Voting, as always, will remain open until Sunday at 11 p.m. Eastern. Enjoy!

(Via @bubbaprog)

As you may have noticed, I try not to spend more than 2.5 seconds naming these GIFs, because they tend to speak for themselves and I don’t think they need titles like “Whoa Crazy Incredible Dancing Fan Fail L@@k!” But I at least try to name them accurately, and I had trouble with this guy.

I can’t name this one MARTY SMITH, because the kid’s the star. I can’t name the kid NASCAR KID or SPRINT CUP kid, because frankly, it’s impossible to gather what this kid’s rooting interests are or whether, in fact, he feels strongly about anything at all. It’s just him and a wall, and he is WALL KID.

For a minute I considered BACKPACK KID, but upon closer inspection, I think that might not be a backpack, but a hoodie with a fake backpack stitched into the back. How Rob Liefeld of him.

I don’t think a more intense and attention-getting rivalry has featured shittier teams than the Chiefs-Raiders rivalry. Over the last 10 years, they have a combined two playoff appearances between them (both first-round losses in which the Chiefs were obliterated). They haven’t really both been good at the same time since the early ‘90s. Geographically, they’re as far removed from one another as Montreal is from Texas.

So at this point, we have a bunch of 22-to-29-year-old dudes on the field who might not even be old enough to remember the last time this rivalry matched all the hype it gets, but in interviews they still talk about how much they hate one another. Just because they’re supposed to, really.

The rivalry is well into its third decade of either trivia or wonky one-sidedness, and a 3rd-and-48 (!) throw into the butt cheek of a 6-0 Chief should get you just about all caught up.

(Via Deadspin)

Alright, this has gone on long enough. We’ll be adding a special GIF Oracle category for Mr. Philip Rivers in the near future, so stay tuned.

UPDATE: We’re all set up, friends. Comment “@oracle gif me philip” and a modest collection of Philip Rivers GIFs will await you.

Does that woman know that guy, or is he a stranger? I don’t know which would be worse, and I’m not sure whether it matters. I’ll tell you one thing about this total badass: he never would have done this if he didn’t have a gaggle of dudes around him to egg him on.

Modern masculinity is ostensibly about maverick independence. You know, the soldier who takes the hill or the lone cigarette-smoking cowboy on the range. In truth, it’s actually about conforming, longing for acceptance, living in fear that one might be perceived as weak, and buying into ideas and attitudes that one would otherwise find immoral. It’s some grade-A sucker shit, and it works at least as well as any nuts-and-bolts machine we’ve ever built.

(Via @cjzero)

I don’t really think this GIF will win, but it does make me laugh harder than any other GIF on this page. That frown is a semi-circle! It’s the frowniest frown possible. You have made history, ma’am.

(Via @Buzzfeed)

There’s screwing up, and there’s screwing up aggressively. This right here is the latter, since that would not have been a goal if Jonathan Quick did not exist. He doesn’t just drop his stick, he finds a way to chuck it all the way to the boards.

As a general rule, I think a GIF is better if it doesn’t provide a second angle, because GIFs are all about telling a story quickly and concisely. But as a hockey dilettante, I appreciate being able to watch the puck a second time. I’m still unused to it. I come from the South, where the thing you have to keep your eye on is big and fat and made out of animals.

(Via CSN Chicago)

Dude got hit in the face with a puck, pulled out his own tooth, and re-entered the game minutes later. Look at his face. I make a more pained expression when I brush my teeth.

Please note that the team ... uh, tooth-steward already has multiple teeth in his hand. Later, y’all, I’m gonna go hide in my bathtub and subsist on chicken broth for the rest of my life.

VOTE!