This Week In GIFs: Robot fans now

Miraculously, this guy suffered a shoulder injury and was otherwise fine after sliding off the rail and falling 30 feet.

He did get fired from his job as a result of the incident, because as an employee of the falling-off-shit factory, he is forbidden from freelancing. He was the most skilled shit-falling-offer on Line C, and they still don’t know how they’re going to replace him.

They’ve got new hires in training, sure, but the kids in this generation just aren’t learning the kind of skills that built this country anymore. They just want to fool around with computers all day. They sent one of the trainees home the other day. He kept screwing up and climbing stuff instead. Another guy, he just sat in a chair and screamed workplace safety tips. You just don’t come to appreciate a pro like that until after he’s gone.

The falling-off-shit industry has fallen on hard times, but you know what, being figurative ain’t gonna keep the lights on.

It’s the sixth year of the Falcons’ Mike Smith/Matt Ryan era, and the first in which they’ll finish with a losing record. They’ve suffered a ton of injuries this year, and with any luck, they can return to being as Atlanta as they possibly can. Being Atlanta, of course, means reaching the playoffs on a regular basis with absolutely zero expectations of actually going anywhere in the playoffs.

In their last five full seasons, the Falcons, Braves and Hawks have a combined winning percentage of .614. In all 15 of those seasons, these teams finished with winning records. In 12 of those seasons, they made the playoffs. Byes aside, they’ve only advanced one round in the playoffs four times, and they’ve never advanced two rounds.

At this point, they’ve won one world championship in 140 combined seasons. The Braves’ 1995 title only happened because the regular season was shortened to 144 games and the Braves’ internal combustion clock, which of course is permanently fixed at 163 games, gave them a little extra time.

On multiple occasions, I’ve received flak from breathless wrestling fans for my inaccurate descriptions of wrestling-reminiscent maneuvers, so this time around I’ll just comment that this move truly looks like a Hölk Hogan body slam and be done with it. Is it “body slam” or “body slamn”? Either way, Try A Slim Jim.

I’m including this because it looks like this person is ripping a violently massive fart. Like, the kind that tips Earth off its orbit and turns it into an asteroid.

This isn’t just a karate chop. Look at Dunleavy. He’s grimacing and staring and thinking about how he’s gonna deliver that karate chop for a full five seconds. I hope it was everything he hoped it would be.

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN SO OFTEN? By which I mean, how does it happen even once, let alone multiple times? To wit, we’ve seen a Florida punter do this, and I’m positive I’ve seen it on a couple other occasions. I know he probably lost his grip and dropped it in a way he didn’t want to drop it, but I feel very strongly that he should have punted the ball anyway. Were I him, that is what I would have elected to do, especially with the benefit of hindsight.

The beauty of this GIF is in the editing. Winnipeg’s Adam Pardy gets smashed into the boards so hard that the glass panel gives way and his face keeps smacking into it. That, in and of itself, is a noteworthy GIF.

Then the GIF jumps ahead to an undetermined point in the future, but we know a decent amount of time has passed, because the refs and other players have gathered around him. Five seconds? 20? Five minutes? We don’t know, but we do know that Mr. Pardy is still there, his head smacking against the glass, and his helmet being straight-up ripped off and stolen by a fan.

I think it’s genuinely worth checking to make sure he isn’t still there right now.

[finds Winnipeg on map]

hahahahahaha nevermind i’m not going to go there ever

UPDATE! I have decided to include this alternate GIF, in which we see the thieving fan wearing the helmet while his companion pours beer on Mr. Pardy’s head. This is unprecedented, but this GIF is so grand that I can’t stand by and do nothing. Special thanks to Eric T. at Broad Street Hockey for bringing this to my attention:

VOTE!