This Week In GIFs: Abolish outdoors
The theme of this week is, “outside is a terrible place.” Vote, and help us decide the greatest animated sports GIF of the week.
The shot of the year belongs to Virginia high schooler Marvey’o Otey. I don’t think we’ve come close to the ceiling of what’s really possible within the industry of amazing basketball shots, but Otey has left the factory with clothes covered soot, someone else’s lunch pail, and a promotion to executive management. There’s a lot to take in here. Perhaps most importantly, the official scorer had to attribute a three-point bucket to a guy who wasn’t even in the room.
MATT STAFFORD
Idea: the MORTIFIED MICHIGAN PUNTER isn’t just one guy. Like Dr. Who, he’s a character represented by a series of actors. Stafford is a quarterback, of course, but like Dr. Who, the continuity is likely to change, and all that really matters is that he’s a goofy white dude.
I’ve seen about a half-dozen episodes of Dr. Who and I hated them.
GO LIONS
Eagles-Lions was sort of a disaster, albeit a really entertaining one. The weather conditions were so hostile that through the first three quarters, neither team even tried to kick through the uprights. Not even for an extra point. They went for two every time. It was sort of a big deal, then, when the Lions finally decided that a field goal was worth a try.
It kind of amuses me that almost everyone in the shot is using his feet to sweep away the snow, and the only one who uses his hands is the kicker. Anyway, this is why you should never attempt things that are difficult.
TONY ROMO
Tony Romo is making it really tough for me here. In most circumstances, I'm a enthusiastic proponent of going for it on fourth down once you're on the other side of the 50. Fourth and nine at the 41 is a little dicey, but if my offense is capable of pushing the ball and my defense is total animal trash, I'm absolutely going for it.
This was really close to intentional grounding, though. If you told me it was, I wouldn't object. Earning that penalty on fourth down is punting against yourself, figuratively speaking. Hey, y'all wanna see what it looks like when you punt against yourself, literally speaking?
WORST PUNT EVER
There was some internal SB Nation debate over whether to title this the true Worst Punt Ever, but I’m OK with it, because by most measures it couldn’t possibly be worse.
My instincts tell me that this is a safety according to the rules, but the end zone is a territory of nebulous dominion. For instance, if you fumble away the ball while running to an opponent’s end zone, and the ball bounces out of bounds in the end zone area, your opponent gets the ball at the 20. That’s counterintuitive and makes no sense. It’s as though the rules of football were drawn up by a contractor who thought you were going to use it as a landfill.
NICK YOUNG
Nick Young was a member of what might be the most fun NBA team ever, the 2009-10 Wizards. Alongside the shot-happy Young, there was:
- Gilbert Arenas (poop-in-teammate’s-shoe Gil, not firearm-foolishness Gil)
- JaVale McGee, the NBA’s largest goof
- Andray Blatche: tremendously big, tremendously flawed game, tremendous manufacturer of T-shirts
- Earl Boykins, who is 5’5”, which is inherently funny
- Brendan Haywood, perhaps the most frustratingly bad player in the history of basketball video games
They finished 26-56 and were awful. As long as we’re on the subject, my imaginary Most Fun Basketball Team Ever possesses the following general qualities:
- Finishes with a 36-46 record pretty much every year
- Arena is named after a .com startup that folded in 2004 but stubbornly refuses to sell naming rights
- 70 percent of the roster is shoot-first to an embarrassing fault
- No point guard, really
- Beats terrible teams in double-overtime thrillers, loses to great teams 130-100
- Mascot is an animal with either no arms or a lot of them
- Has a horseshoe-bald bench guy who plays 45 minutes per season, has 400,000 followers, follows 400,000 accounts, and tweets “Wheels up!” and “Wheels down!” 200 times per year
GO BENGALS
sigh
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