And so it came to pass that SNIPED METS FAN was crowned the champion of GIF TOURNAMENT IV. 2 As had been mandated by the polls, he had
GIF Tournament IV: THE RAPTOR DEMANDS SACRIFICE
ALL LESSER GIFs CRUMBLE IN THE BLINDING LIGHT OF THE GIF GOD
defeated WHEEEEE, 887 votes to 284; 3
defeated JEAN SEGURA, 1,114 votes to 119; 4
defeated ANONYMOUS BEER HERO, 1,008 votes to 631;5
defeated HOCKEY SORCERY!, 903 votes to 449; 6
and in the GIF TOURNAMENT IV championship, defeated DOINK!, 1,114 votes to 1,061. 7
And so METS FAN purchased audience with THE RAPTOR, and he said: “O RAPTOR! I am a champion GIF. I am a baseball GIF, like BUCK SHOWALTER and TIM LINCECUM before me.” 8And THE RAPTOR replied, “INDEED. I HAVE DEVOURED THEM WHOLE. THEY HAVE PERISHED IN THE FLAME OF MINE BELLY, AND I HAVE BUILT CAGES OF THEIR BONES.” 9And indeed, in Summer 2012, THE RAPTOR had destroyed BUCK SHOWALTER with 82 percent of the vote, and in January of 2013, destroyed TIM LINCECUM by the same margin.
But METS FAN pleaded, 10 “O RAPTOR! Look upon my form.”
“I am a big guy who falls down, as You are. I remain motionless on the ground, crestfallen, as you do. O RAPTOR, look upon my arm that holds the beer; is it not like Your tail? And does not the pitcher’s glance add a serendipitous dynamic? Do not the Cardinals fans’ expressions of concern contrast sharply with the indifference of my friends?”
11And THE RAPTOR said nothing, and then he said,
”I AM THE RAPTOR. I SHALL GRIND YOUR BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD. I AM THE GREATEST ANIMATED GIF OF ALL TIME,
12AND I DEMAND A FEAST."
13“AND PLUS DOINK!“ WAS A WAY BETTER GIF ANYWAY.”
And METS FAN was brought forth to the poll as a sacrificial feast for THE RAPTOR. And the people trembled, and voted.
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