This Week In GIFs: Magic tricks are cruelty
This week’s themes: tomfoolery, and standard foolery. Vote, and help us decide the greatest animated sports GIF of the week.
Here is Coyotes goalie Mike Smith, abjectly unaware that the puck has fallen into his butt, scooting said butt neatly into his net for an own-goal. We could go in a thousand different directions here, but this reminds me most strikingly of the cruel nature of mines in Goldeneye 007. At some point in the development process, they surely had to decide whether one could stick a mine on a fellow player, and in a barbaric fit of bloodlust, they said, “yeah, all right.” And so you could run up on an opponent with a box full of proximity mines, chuck them until one of them stuck, and run away. If the poor sucker moved at all, KABOOM, you scored.
Bonus Goldeneye multiplayer variant: set up a two-on-two match with throwing knives and remote mines as the only weapons. Team A is only allowed to use the knives, and Team B can only use the mines. One player on Team B plasters their teammate with as many mines as will stick to their person, hides in a discreet location, and readies the detonator. The teammate, covered in mines, bum-rushes Team A and yells “DETONATE” when close enough, and the detonating party sends everyone to Hell in an inferno of flame. Team B’s only recourse is to chuck a flurry of knives and/or track down the detonator. It is 10 minutes of pure, ceaseless panic.
JOHNNY MANZIEL
Johnny Manziel is who Tim Tebow would be if he devoted himself to magic tricks instead of the Lord. He's performed more Houdini moments than any other college quarterback I can remember seeing, and I have no idea whether they'll work in the NFL. Maybe opposing defenses will figure out that the nickel was in his hand the whole time, or maybe they'll try to get rich by shaking money out of their ears. Either way, dude runs in cursive, and I can't get enough of it.
SQUIB TIDE
(Via Diehard Sport)
I was already laughing when Oklahoma, Sugar Bowl victory firmly in hand, had to kick off from their own 10 in the waning seconds thanks to a couple of excessive celebration penalties. One day, I hope to see a team ball out so goddang hard after a score that the kicker has to set up in his own end zone on the ensuing kickoff, but this did quite nicely.
The ensuing accidental onside squib kickoff was more than I ever deserved, and I wonder whether they accidentally stumbled onto something. In the NFL, surprise onside kicks are quite successful -- in the 21st century, teams have tried an onside kick to begin the game 14 times, and they successfully recovered seven of them. Next time, just kick at full strength and try to pop a dude right in the face mask. I'm serious.
BLAKE GRIFFIN
This is like finding out your pocketknife has a gun in it.
CHRIS KREIDER
I don't think Kreider's puck-whiff is intentional, but if it had been, it would have been absolutely brilliant. As a casual hockey enthusiast, I have lodged many a "glowing puck trail so it's easier to see" request. Here is another: I'd like a glowing puck, but for players who totally just got their lunches stolen. Sometimes hockey moves so quickly that I can't figure out who I need to be laughing at.
ANDREA BARGNANI BENO UDRIH
Last season, the Knicks assembled a great season and advanced past the first round of the playoffs for the first time this century. Now we’re back to normal, and the Knicks are back to playing defense against themselves. (Note: I originally mistakenly thought this dude was Andrea Bargnani, so I am also wrong and bad.)
IT IS ANIMALS
it is some animals
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