My season is over. Let me rephrase. My season stumbled at the starting blocks, tripped into a vat of molten steel, and held one stoic thumb up amid the flames like a T-1000 engineered by ignorance. I scribble possible results and updated standings in my notebook with a manic intensity, but all the numbers highlight the brutal reminder that the playoffs will not be in reach.
FanDuel strategy: Re-setting my fantasy football hopes in Week 11
Fantasy football is great, as long as you have a chance at winning. After 10 weeks, I realized my various season-long leagues have crashed and burned. It is time for weekly fantasy football!
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Fantasy has long been the escape from my other fandom, the New York Jets; ideal for someone who loves football and has a near-impossibly high tolerance for emotional distress. Usually, I can cobble together a squad capable of playoff contention. This year, however, I'm stuck with a fantasy team equally disappointing as Gang Green. A rough depiction of the debacle:
With the upcoming weeks all but irrelevant for my teams, I turn toward the glittering promise of FanDuel. Instead of being hamstrung with the Ghost of Montee Ball as my second-round pick, I get the chance to redraft a squad based on new information.
Being as this is my first time on FanDuel, I thought I would set three basic ground rules before taking the plunge.
1. Under no circumstances will I play a member of the New York Jets, regardless of frugality or possible success.
2. I will explain my squad selections, but I won’t feel the need to adhere to logic or reason.
3. I will let whoever joins through my link and beats me in the tournament have the final word for future columns. Be as mean as possible.
VITAL DISCLAIMER: I traded TY Hilton, Jerick McKinnon, and Travis Kelce this year for Alshon Jeffery, as I thought "I didn't need the depth." I traded Josh Gordon for DeSean Jackson last year, as I thought "no way he keeps doing that." I started Austin Seferian-Jenkins over Dwayne Allen, named a team Sanchez Twerk Squad, and once drafted Matthew Stafford in the first round. I'm living proof that 10,000 hours does not always work.
WEEK 11 Lineup and Poor Explanations
QB Robert Griffin III/RB Alfred Morris: Six years of living in D.C. and listening to local pundits, combined with a lifetime of Jets media, have engineered me to always root for the media-maligned quarterback. That, combined with the Lovie Smith dumpster fire in Tampa Bay, should get a decent return on a cheaper investment.
RB Jamaal Charles: Originally had Foster here, but the curse of the soft tissue injury looks like it will claim another victim. With the Seahawks losing their big run stuffer, Charles should continue his torrid pace.
WR Brandon Marshall: Garbage time still counts.
WR Jordan Matthews: The newest addition to the stable of large, athletic wideouts bailing out Mark Sanchez. If the Sanchize could turn Braylon Edwards, the husk of Plaxico Burress, and Stephen Hill into occasional spot starters, I'm willing to believe Matthews can keep up his production.
WR Odell Beckham Jr.: I managed to pick up ODB Jr. in every league I’m in prior to Cruz’s injury. Thus, since I successfully identified a sleeper pick, I will wildly overrate him for the remainder of the season, to the detriment of my team and my FanDuel prospects.
TE Antonio Gates: After their beatdown in Miami, the angry zealot god Philip Rivers will seek some PG vengeance against those gosh-darn, mothertrucking Oakland Raiders. After letting Orange Julius go for two scores, I'm banking on similar production without any sort of tangible evidence. This will be a theme going forward.
K Phil Dawson: In one league that I run, I’ve removed the Kicker spot and added another flex position. Call it bad blood after the Doug Brien pair of misses, but I have not missed the weekly confusion. I do think SF will put up points on the Giants.
DEF Minnesota Vikings: A bit of actual evidence: In the three games before the bye, the Vikings DEF scored 15, 19, and seven points against three marginal offenses. Given the continuing collapse of the Bears, I like my chances for at least a decent day for the Vikes.
We will go down this road together, beloved readers. I have spent my money and stand ready to be publicly and financially humiliated, a practice I’m long used to as a Jets fan.
Join the SB Nation league here, and come prove that I can’t have any fun.
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