When Danny Willett was there to capitalize on Jordan Spieth’s mess on the back nine on Sunday at Augusta, one of the stars of the show was his brother — firmly planted on his couch back in England, live-tweeting his brother’s win like the rest of us.
Now that his brother’s ready to make his Ryder Cup debut at Hazeltine this week, Pete Willett had, uh, choice words for American golf fans in a blog post this morning. This needs no further explanation. From Pete, himself:
Team USA have only won five of the last 16 Ryder Cups. Four of those five victories have come on home soil. For the Americans to stand a chance of winning, they need their baying mob of imbeciles to caress their egos every step of the way. Like one of those brainless bastards from your childhood, the one that pulled down your shorts during the school’s Christmas assembly (f**k you, Paul Jennings), they only have the courage to keg you if they’re backed up by a giggling group of reprobates. Team Europe needs to shut those groupies up.
They need to silence the pudgy, basement-dwelling, irritants, stuffed on cookie dough and pissy beer, pausing between mouthfuls of hotdog so they can scream ‘Baba booey’ until their jelly faces turn red.
They need to stun the angry, unwashed, Make America Great Again swarm, desperately gripping their concealed-carry compensators and belting out a mini-erection inducing ‘mashed potato,’ hoping to impress their cousin.
They need to smash the obnoxious dads, with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wives, and resentful children. Squeezed into their cargo shorts and boating shoes, they’ll bellow ‘get in the hole’ whilst high-fiving all the other members of the Dentists’ Big Game Hunt Society.
WHEW.
As a pissy beer and hot dog loving American golf fan, I’d love to be mad here. But credit where credit is due, that’s some A1-quality hate. This is why the Ryder Cup is fantastic, and why quirky, somewhat-insane, smack-talking weirdos thrive in it.
He might have something of a point, though. Ryder Cup fans aren’t your typical golf fans — and American ones tend to take it a level up. That’s a good thing, though! Heck, just look at these photos from the first two days of PRACTICE ROUNDS ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY at Hazeltine.
Exhibit 1: we’ve got Uncle Sam + American flag hoodie + pissy beer.
Photo by Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images
Exhibit 2: we’ve got, uh, this guy.
Photo by David Cannon/Getty Images
God bless Ryder Cup week.
(h/t to Golf Channel’s Ryan Lavner on the find.)
