7 reasons to watch Patriots vs. Buccaneers on ‘Thursday Night Football’

It’s your favorite NFL game day of the week! OK not really, but Week 5’s Thursday Night Football game between the Patriots and the Buccaneers looks like one of the more entertaining matchups on paper this season, as far as Thursday games go.

Last week, the Packers opened up a can on the Bears, giving football fans around the world a dry Thursday night game that we’ve come to expect.

Despite the poopfest-iness of Thursday Night Football, you keep coming back for more. If you’re still not sure why you should watch, just keep scrolling — I got you.

I’ve always been a sucker for good wide receiver play, only because there’s nothing more badass than a tough catch. With Evans, I root for him even harder as a former basketball player to go out there and win every jump ball, which he usually does.

He reeled in this one last season against the Falcons, and I couldn’t even be mad about it. That’s a damn good catch:

Last week against the Giants, he had me shook after starting off the game without wearing gloves:

That’s wild, considering the absurd grip they provide for players. It’s also just awkward looking — kinda like when former Atlanta Braves guy Brooks Conrad used to bat with no gloves.

But that’s neither here nor there — tune in for Mike Evans.

Winston’s got a nickname that you didn’t know about — one that I just created — Thursday Night Don. Winston has 624 pass yards, five touchdowns and one interception in two Thursday night games.

The Patriots defense hasn’t been great this season. In fact, the Pats are last in the NFL in total defense.

Weird things happen on Thursday night games every now and then. I’m trying to see Jameis do this again:

Expectations have been up for the Bucs going into the season because that’s what we do with teams that have a quarterback who was drafted high and get a new weapon like DeSean Jackson.

And hey, even if Jameis doesn’t go off, we could get some Yakety Sax-type blunder from him, and those are always entertaining:

No matter what, Jameis is going to be playing with passion. There’s no question he’s going into this one with some inspiring words for his team.

A lot of y’all don’t like the Patriots for many reasons, most of which are valid. But Thursday Night Football *is* a poopfest after all, so when there’s a good team on, you have to tune in.

I’m just gonna leave it at that.

Did you know that was Tom Brady’s full name? I sure didn’t.

Anyway, despite a number of reasons you may or may not like Brady, you gotta keep tabs on him. He’s arguably the best quarterback to ever play the game (old heads, you can find my email in my bio to cape for Montana or whomever) so when you get him on a Thursday night, it’s a treat — unless he’s playing your team.

Brady’s leading the league in yards with 1,399, and touchdowns with 10. He’s still out here cooking as a 40-year-old, and even though he doesn’t have a defense behind him right now, the Patriots are always going to be considered contenders as long as Tommy is chuckin’ it.

Like Winston, if Brady doesn’t do well, we could get something that’s still enjoyable...

Memes!

I’m not saying I’m rooting for Tom Brady to become a meme — but I am.

We haven’t heard from Doug Martin in a minute, after he was suspended four games for violating the league’s drug policy.

Martin hasn’t been through an actual practice in a month, per ESPN’s Jenna Laine, so you probably shouldn’t expect him to have any kind of breakout performance. But if it means we get to hear the best nickname in the NFL — Muscle Hamster — then I’m here for it.

Even if he isn’t:

MUSCLE!

HAMSTER!

The NFL protects quarterbacks like they’re newborn children, or a shatterproof iPhone case, or the Constitution of the United States at the National Archives. Because of this, and the fact that the Patriots and Bucs boast two of the NFL’s three worst total defenses, the scoreboards might break in Tampa.

The NFL’s geared its game to have more offense the past decade and change. Aside from rules to protect quarterbacks, the league has made it damn near impossible to cover a wide receiver, and with a bigger focus on player safety, defenses have the smallest of windows to make a tackle that’s not going to get themselves penalized.

As much as one of the elders in your family might say they love a “defensive struggle” and a 10-7 football game, that’s BS. They want to see Tom Brady and Jameis Winston slangin’ it and putting up 30-plus apiece as much as you do.

I used this last week and I’m going to unapologetically use it this week, too. Romo calling games is informative, and you might learn a thing or two in the process.

When the called the Patriots-Saints game in Week 2, he explained an intricacy from Bill Belichick:

Romo is a fine broadcaster and if you disagree, you’re just being a hater.

Enjoy the poopfest!