Unpacking NASCAR’s worst race name, the ‘Big Machine Vodka 400 at the Brickyard Powered by Florida Georgia Line’

At one point in the 1990s, the Indianapolis Motor Speedway was host to one of the hottest and simplest races in NASCAR. Drivers jumped at the chance to burn through America’s most famous track, descending on Speedway, Indiana with a fervor. The annual event was a showcase for stars like Jeff Gordon, Dale Earnhardt, and Jimmie Johnson to take on hallowed ground and prove their worth.

But it’s not the Brickyard 400 anymore. In fact, in 2018 it’s, well ...

... the ‘Big Machine Vodka 400 at the Brickyard Powered by Florida Georgia Line’. That’s a horrible name, and it’s sure to generate some questions. So let’s talk it out.

How could they sully the tradition of this once proud race?

You mean this race that dates all the way back to 1994? It’s been sullied more times than a South Boston barmaid at this point:

Fair enough. Then just what is Big Machine Vodka? Is it made by machines, or just made for machines?

A little of the former, a little of the latter depending on the kind of night Bert Kreischer’s having, but mostly neither. Big Machine Records was founded by Scott Borchetta and Toby Keith in 2005, which makes the fact it took them 12 years to begin selling vodka a bit of an upset. The label and its subsidiaries have a deep roster of country music acts like Rascal Flatts, Reba McIntyre, Taylor Swift, and, surprisingly and awesomely, Cheap Trick. It’s a big deal — especially in the south, where NASCAR thrives.

Are you sure that’s not supposed to be Big Red Machine Vodka?

It is neither affiliated with the Cincinnati Reds nor two-time WWE world champion Kane, so yes.

And we’re sure Big Machine isn’t just Skynet trying to lure us into a sense of complacency?

... no.

It’s sponsored by the border between Florida and Georgia? That’s weird.

No, that’s a band. They’re a part of the BMR empire.

Well I’ve never heard of them.

Yes you have. Even if you hate country music, you’ve heard them. Their song “Cruise” was EVERYWHERE from like, 2013-2015. No country song has ever sold more digital copies (10 million-plus). It even got a remix with Nelly, but since he didn’t mention St. Louis, the weather, or shoes you probably didn’t notice.

What else have they “powered?”

A bunch of closets filled with Axe Body Spray and sleeveless Affliction tees, probably.

How can those guys afford something like this?

According to Forbes, they made $36.5 million in 2015.

Holy moly.

Yep. There are more than twice as many country radio stations out there than any other music genre. That’s why you don’t see the NASCAR Xfinity Series — Overton’s 200 sponsored by Bon Iver.

Well, that’s *one* of the reasons.

Are they at all related to that one football game between Florida and Georgia in Jacksonville?

Nope. But given the event’s now-unofficial nickname is “the world’s largest outdoor cocktail party” you can bet Big Machine Vodka wants a slice.

OK. Brickyard?

The Indianapolis Motor Speedway used to have an all-brick surface. Now it’s just a small strip at the finish line. Racers drop to their knees and kiss the bricks before most of the events there. It’s pretty cool.

And ... 400?

The number of miles they have to go. That’s 160 laps around the IMS’s 2.5-mile rectangle.

Anything else I should know about this race?

Yeah. Skip it and go to the infinitely more entertaining Indy 500 instead.