MCDONALDS IS SELLING A SPAM, OREO AND MAYO SANDWICH IN CHINA

I MAKE IT A POINT TO KEEP MY EYE ON WEIRD FOODS FROM AROUND THE WORLD, BUT THIS ONE LITERALLY TOOK MY BREATH AWAY.

YES, THIS IS THE “LUNCHMEAT BURDER,” A DELIGHT THAT FEATURES TWO PIECES OF GRILLED SPAM, MAYONNAISE, AND CRUSHED UP OREOS. THIS IS CULINARY FUSION AT ITS FINEST. THREE CORPORATE CONGLOMERATES MERGING TO MAKE ONE BEAUTIFUL DISASTER OF A SANDWICH. IT HAS EVERYTHING THE BODY NEEDS — THE SALTY, THE SWEET, THE GLUTINOUS AND PRESERVATIVES. IT WILL NOURISH YOUR SOUL AND (LIKELY) COAT YOUR INSIDES WITH A THICK FILM.

THE SANDWICH COMES WITH A PRICE TAG OF $2, WHICH IS A BARGAIN TO EXPERIENCE A DELIGHT LIKE THIS. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE A SANDWICH DREAMED UP BY A BORED, STONED MCDONALDS EMPLOYEE AT 3 A.M. WHO’S LIKE “I HAVE SOME SPAM, WE HAVE BUNS, AND I CAN CANNIBALIZE SOME OREOS FROM THE MCFLURRY STATION ... LET’S GOOOOOOOOOO!”

A WRITEUP BY THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE NOTES THAT THE SANDWICH IS TRIGGERING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS BY THOSE WHO CONSUME IT.

“I thought it was delicious,” said a comment signed Feifei Mao Enthusiast on the Sina Weibo microblog service. “Is that because I love McDonald’s too deeply? Or is something wrong with my taste?”

PART OF ME FEELS THE NEED TO TRY THIS, BUT ALSO I CAN IMAGINE WHAT THIS WOULD TASTE LIKE WITHOUT INTERNAL TESTING. IT WOULD BE A CREAMY, GRITTY, OVERSEASONED MESS — AND YET, I FEEL THE GNAWING NEED TO DO THIS.

THANK YOU, MCDONALDS IN CHINA, FOR SHOWING US THE WAY TO FLAVORTOWN.