Tim Tebow and science have conspired to guarantee the Jets will win next year’s Super Bowl

When Tom Brady’s last-second Hail Mary fluttered harmlessly to the ground and the clock hit triple zeroes on the evening of Feb. 4 in Minneapolis, it marked more than just the Philadelphia Eagles winning their first Super Bowl in franchise history — it was the third consecutive Super Bowl champ to have once employed Tim Tebow.

The Broncos, who under Josh McDaniels drafted Tim Tebow in the first round (!) in 2010, won Super Bowl 50 to cap the 2015 season. The next year, the Patriots summoned their inner Tebow-magic™ — acquired in the summer of 2013 — over the final quarter and change of Super Bowl LI to knock off the Atlanta Falcons. And with the Eagles having just won Super Bowl LII, lest we forget Chip Kelly’s inspiration on his lone 4/20 as Philly’s personnel czar to bring Tebow on board.

If I’m not mistaken, there was once a movie with Dane Cook where every woman who dated him found the love of her life right after moving on to the next guy ... Tim Tebow is the football player version of that shitty Dane Cook movie.

So what’s the big takeaway from this grand discovery? A 12-month head start on coming to terms with the fact that the New York Jets winning Super Bowl LIII is a bigger inevitability than death, taxes, or Tebow being excited.