21 painful puns about Marcus Mariota winning the 2014 Heisman Trophy
Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports
Marcus Mariota is your 2014 Heisman Trophy winner, beating out Wisconsin tailback Melvin Gordon III and Alabama wide receiver Amari Cooper in a landslide. With that, I have some final thoughts on the three finalists. This is critically important commentary.
[clears throat]
- If Marcus Mariota somehow lost the Heisman Trophy, we would all be wondering what the Duck is going on.
- That would have been a real heist, man.
- But Mariota wasn’t about to lose the Heisman. No way, no how-aii.
- Being the first Hawaiian to win the Heisman Trophy must be a great honor-lulu.
- We’re not here to write Mariota’s acceptance speech, but he-ota thank his family, coaches and teammates.
- The rest of the Pac-12 must be glad that they don’t have to face Mariota anymore and wonder if he’s about to sc-Oregon.
- Oregon spent the whole season as the leader of the Pac.
- Mariota really held that Oregon team together. If you don’t believe me, just check the Duck tape.
- Eugene-rally don’t see a quarterback that can blend speed and throwing ability the way Mariota does.
- If you were the Oregon coach, trying to figure out how to run that offense without Mariota, that would be bad for your Helf and well-being.
- It’s very difficult to learn the ins and Autzen of that offense so completely.
- Yes, having such a great QB in such a complex offense is a real Ducks-ury.
- When Marcus is in the mood for quality seafood, he always orders the calamari-ota.
- Melvin Gordon was a genius with the football this season. A real whiz-consin.
- Gordon was a distant runner-up for the Heisman, but that doesn’t mean his season was bad........gers.
- Once Wisconsin couldn’t get the running game on track in the Big Ten title game, Melvin’s Heisman hopes were Gor-done.
- Wisconsin’s coach bolted for Oregon State right after that 59-0 loss. It sounds like Andersen wasn’t Gary fond of the job.
- If Amari declares for the NFL Draft, it’s hard to see how the Alabama passing game will re-Cooper-ate in 2015.
- It Sims hard to believe that a quarterback could lean on one receiver so much.
- The Heisman voting results are a disappointment, but Alabama fans should still have Amari Christmas.
- Cooper really shined in the Iron Bowl, when he Au-burned the Tiger secondary for 224 yards and three scores.
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