Why does Adidas keep making college teams wear hideous garbage?

Nebraska has beautiful uniforms. Adidas is making Nebraska ditch those uniforms for a game this year to wear these:

On its surface, this isn’t bad. Ugly and a jersey version of Space Invaders, sure. Egregious? Not necessarily.

However, this is just one in a long line of crimes committed by Adidas. Some Adidas jerseys, like the one above, are merely unnecessarily ugly. Others genuinely offend me as a human who likes watching sports with my eyes. Some feature gimmicks so dumb, I’d try to cover them up while playing.

Here are reasons why Adidas must be stopped.

This is what UCLA uniforms look like. Clean, classic, beautiful:

Impossible to mess up ... right?

These are the uniforms Adidas is making UCLA wear this year:

Why the random lines on the numbers? Why turn the signature UCLA shoulder stripes into a weird pointy thing? It still looks good, because it’s a UCLA jersey, but it doesn’t look nearly as good as a UCLA jersey should.

This is what Michigan football jerseys look like. Clean, classic, beautiful:

Impossible to mess up ... right?

This is what Adidas had Michigan wear in 2012:

Why the yellow shoulders when Michigan jerseys already look so good? This offseason, Michigan came to its senses and left Adidas for Nike.

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You know those posts on message boards where a fan says, “Hey, I made cool concept jerseys for every team in the conference!” They’re kinda neat, but the colors are wrong, and there’s some letter or animal blown up really big, and the thing was clearly made in some sort of bootleg Microsoft Office Suite from 2004?

Adidas takes those jerseys and makes them come to life.

The Nebraska vs. Wisconsin N VS. W GAME is pretty much the worst thing I’ve ever seen.

There’s the time they made Notre Dame ditch classic uniforms to wear a two-toned helmet with the Fighting Irish mascot on the side.

Like Michigan, Notre Dame has also been smart enough to leave Adidas for greener pastures, signing with Under Armour.

When I was a senior at Northwestern, Adidas made Northwestern play in purple-on-purple jerseys with clawmarks and a silver helmet with generic block numbers that didn’t even match the jersey.

Northwestern ditched Adidas for Under Armour less than a year after the team had to wear this.

WHY

WHY!

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!

WHY MAKE ANYBODY PLAY IN NEON? WHY MAKE NEON CAMO EVER? WHY MAKE SHORTS THAT DON’T MATCH TOPS? WHY MAKE SHORTS THAT ARE CAMO? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

This year, Adidas didn’t quite blind us. It just made teams wear cummerbunds.

The giant stripes just made it look like everybody’s pants were falling down and they were wearing giant underpants.

Adidas made Michigan wear maize-on-maize-on-maize with maize shoes and maize jersey numbers and jersey lettering.

It made Baylor wear highlighter-colored jerseys.

Nobody thinks any of these innovations are good. Not even recruits. All we can do is hope our retinas survive.

MURDERBIRD

It wrote fuck on a jersey.

Photos: Gary A. Vasquez, USA Today Sports; Rick Osentoski, USA Today Sports; Eric Francis, Getty Images; Jonathan Daniel, Getty Images; Mike DiNovo, USA Today Sports; David Banks, USA Today Sports; Kevin Jairaj, USA Today Sports