Man in penis costume kicked out of Sam Houston State football game

Sam Houston State was looking to win their first game of the season, and things got a little nuts. Midway through the game, with the Bearkats up 21-10, someone was seen giving their Johnson a tug up the stadium steps.

I...I have no words for any of this. Why is someone gently escorting this penis-adorned individual out of the game? What has this Richard fella done to deserve this? Can the guy in the suit see? Is this like a one-eye willie situation where you only can look up through the—you know what, never mind. I’m not going to go down that road.

If I were Sam Houston State, I would be more worried about the plague doctor guy instead of the penis suit person. Plague doctors bring nothing but pestilence and destruction, and the only thing that the penis suit would bring is a child. Seems like the wrong person got kicked out here, that’s all that I’m saying.

Ironically enough, soon after the Penis Patrol kicked out our hero, Sam Houston State would blow that lead and lose the game 37-34, continuing their winless streak since jumping to the FBS level. Maybe, the penis was a good luck charm, and by kicking it out the Bearkats have doomed themselves to a season of zero wins until they bring him back.

This is so perfectly college football, though. I hope we all cherish these moments while we have it, because there’s no other sport like this.