How Carmelo Anthony is like a Hallmark Channel movie

I’m a huge fan of Hallmark Channel original movies, and a common trope in the romantic stories in those films is bad timing. The would-be couple are perfect for each other ... except one is getting married to a doofus on Saturday and the other has an important cupcake catering job in a remote pueblo in Peru next week. The pairing is perfect, if only the timing worked out!

We learned on Monday that Carmelo Anthony might be willing to come off of the bench for the Rockets, with whom he has now actually signed. At least, that’s what Houston coach and former Melo feud partner Mike D’Antoni indicated to USA Today’s Sam Amick.

Here’s the rub: a Melo willing to come off the bench and play primarily without Russell Westbrook would have helped the Thunder more than he’ll help the Rockets. Oklahoma City lacked and desperately needed offense-first depth. Houston does not, with James Harden, Chris Paul, Eric Gordon, and even Ryan Anderson.

But a Melo willing to come off the bench wouldn’t exist if not for how poorly Melo in OKC went. What a paradox! Melo could not have been a success in Oklahoma without failing somewhere on a functional team that did better without him than with. The Thunder’s failure wasn’t in trading for Anthony — it was in acquiring Melo straight from New York instead of letting Portland or someone take him and fail. Heck, perhaps in the alternate history where Houston actually pulled off the Melo deal last summer, he’d be signing with the Thunder, ready to be FIBA Melo and fit in, right now.

Alas, while all Hallmark Channel movies end with a happy couple that overcomes bad timing, the NBA doesn’t work like that. If Melo fits beautifully in Houston after clashing with the Thunder, OKC’s just going to be jilted. Heck, maybe the lesson here will be that the Thunder was never the heroic cupcake caterer, but the doofus fiancé all along.

The NBA has announced an intention to revoke the age minimum and allow high school graduates directly into the NBA. The NBA, however, isn’t putting this rule change in place until 2021 or 2022 as it tries to come up with rules amenable to the players’ union that will ... make it all more complicated.

I wrote about the NCAA’s reform attempt and why the NBA is still primarily to blame for the one-and-done crisis. The bottom line is that all problems stem from the NCAA’s refusal to allow student-athletes to profit off their sports excellence. But the NBA has made the situation worse in college basketball by forcing elite prospects into that minefield of amateurism instead of letting them get paid in the NBA to ply their trade.

The fact that the NBA had no trouble implementing the age minimum in a year but needs four years to unwind it is telling of how much the league cares about fairness to prep players and its care for the NCAA (which is minimal).

The coach of the WNBA’s Wings got into a screaming match outside the locker room with the team’s CEO amid a nearly month-long losing streak, and then that coach got himself fired. Welp. If this leads to Liz Cambage (who was close with the coach) bouncing out of the WNBA again, I’m going to be heated.

Sue Bird explains the long-term positive effects of the Aces deciding to forfeit that game in D.C. after a travel nightmare.

LeBron spent Monday night drinking wine and rapping along to Weezy on Instagram. This is actually what everyone does in California. It’s the law.

John Wall needs a floater. Don’t we all?

Salute to Lindsay Whalen, retiring from the WNBA after this season. Absolute pro.

Uh, did Bruce Bowen get himself fired as a Clippers analyst by trashing Kawhi Leonard? Does this imply the Clippers think they have a shot at Leonard? Do the Clippers have a shot at Leonard?

Deandre Ayton draws himself dunking on Joel Embiid. First, congratulations to Deandre Ayton for his art skills. No elite basketball player should be this talented in other fields. Second, GOT ‘EM.

Ice Cube talks about why he started the BIG3 and where it goes from here.

Should the Blazers trade Damian Lillard or C.J. McCollum, and, if so, what do you suppose they could get for C.J. McCollum, because trading Lillard would be hilariously silly?

Azzi Fudd is the 15-year-old girl who dominated Steph Curry’s basketball camp.

How Ben Simmons thrives without shooting threes.

We’ve got an “unwritten rule” AKA “not classy” AKA “bush league” situation to adjudicate in the WNBA. My rule: not quite bush league.

In which I claim LeBron is actually the MVP frontrunner.

The Hawks made Melo a jersey they paid him $25 million to never wear. It’s not the greatest collector’s item this side of that Wu Tang album the Pharmabro bought.

And finally: please help this 75-year-old find a big man for his 75-and-over 3-on-3 team!

Be excellent to each other.