| | **Online Host**
Welcome to Football Guys Chat!
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: and the winner of the contest is
|
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: /opens envelope "Dear Roger Goodell, I am LeBron James and I was wondering if" sorry wrong letter /crumples up paper, throws over shoulder |
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: /pulls envelope out of suit pocket /opens "Dear Roger Goodell, I am David Stern, give me all your money or I will lockout you" oh for the love of /crumples up paper, throws over shoulder |
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: okay well anyway, the winner of our contest is... Guy on the Internet! Congratulations, Guy on the Internet! |
| GuyOnTheInternet: WIN! A winnar is me! Losing a contest FAIL
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: since 2002 we have poured billions of dollars into a "THIS IS NOT A JOKE, CLICK TO WIN" internet ad campaign you are the only person to ever click it, congratulations |
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: as a reward, we will allow you to act as commissioner for a day and be granted unlimited administrative authority
|
| GuyOnTheInternet: "Respect My Authority" - A qoute from southpark
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: Right then. It's all yours.
|
| GuyOnTheInternet: For my first act, I will start Tim Tebow in Denver. Kyle Orton is a FRAUD and CHOKE ARTIST who doesn't belong in the league
|
| GuyOnTheInternet: Someone needs to tell Orton that it's the National Football League and not the No Fun League. It's pandemonium in Denver.
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: okay well, you're the boss
|
| GuyOnTheInternet: If these MILLIONAIRE CRYBABIES don't want to PUT UP then they should SHUT UP
|
| GuyOnTheInternet: I'm not going to PLUNK DOWN my HARD EARNED DOLLARS so that these CLOWNS can
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: ok, so far you have used the word "pandemonium" and the phrase "plunk down my hard earned dollars" are you from like 1965 |
| | **OnlineHost** Michael Vick has entered the chat room.
|
| User183835: /roll |
| | **OnlineHost** Michael Vick has rolled an 8.
|
| User183835: /roll |
| | **OnlineHost** Michael Vick has rolled a 3. |
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: mike mike what are you doing |
| User183835: Rolling dice
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: what for |
| User183835: Bored |
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: i see that you still have not set up your personal chat room account you know, after registering an account you will have your own personalized screen name, as well as access to features such as-- |
| User183835: F*** off /roll |
| | **OnlineHost** Michael Vick has rolled a 5. |
| GuyOnTheInternet: who are you |
| User183835: A black guy
|
| GuyOnTheInternet: are you a skill position player who is not Ronnie Lott
|
| User183835: Yep |
| GuyOnTheInternet: /inhales |
| GuyOnTheInternet: FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD FRAUD THUG FRAUD PUNK FRAUD CLOWN PUNK THUG FRAUD JOKE FRAUD CLOWN PUNK FRAUD JOKE FRAUD DISGRACE CLOWN JOKE FRAUD THUG
|
| GuyOnTheInternet: /catches breath /inhales |
| GuyOnTheInternet: PUNKTHUG FRAUDDISGRACE JOKECLOWN CLOWNFRAUD THUGJOKE S***VERBING F***NOUN |
| User183835: /roll |
| | **OnlineHost** Michael Vick has rolled an 11.
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: mike you might want to leave, you're upsetting our moron contest winner
|
| User183835:Haha Hey Hey look at me Hey look I'm a black guy in a position of leadership ooooh i'm gonna get you oogie boogie boogie |
| GuyOnTheInternet: AAAAAAAAAAHH |
| | **OnlineHost** Hours later... |
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: okay, well, here are the orders from our commissioner-for-a-day. the following policies are to be put into action immediately:
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: - start Tim Tebow
- make Michael Vick live in the bottom of a well and eat stale graham crackers |
| User183835: Shrug
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: - make players play the game the right way
- caution players against playing the game the wrong way, lest penalties be exacted |
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: - stop paying the CRYBABY PLAYERS millions of dollars
- stop paying the GREEDY OWNERS millions of dollars |
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: So uh, I guess this means we just throw all the revenue in a giant hole and burn it |
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: - form official committee and commission it to investigate whether or not the difference is drinkability |
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: - someone please help poor Jim Mora down from that ceiling fan and then get scientists to return him to normal size
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: okay, see, that was a commercial |
| GuyOnTheInternet: SOMEONE HELP that POOR MAN, he's been through so much and he doesn't deserve this he taught his players HEART and INTEGRITY and he's a Christian probably |
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: very well
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: aaaaand next on the list is like 30,000 items that just say "so-called sportswriter" and "check your facts" and "liberal agenda" and "who cares?" and "how is this news?" and "i can't believe you're PAID to write this NONSENSE"
|
| GuyOnTheInternet: /nods |
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: and last of all: - everyone is to stop being sissies and faking concussions and play the game the way it's meant to be played |
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: sigh. all right these policies shall be enacted... NOW! |
| | **OnlineHost** Every NFL stadium has caught fire and burnt to the ground.
|
| | **OnlineHost** Every NFL player has suffered an anvil to the head.
|
| | **OnlineHost** Every officially-licensed NFL football has hatched into a carnivorous dinosaur.
|
| | **OnlineHost** The government has gathered everyone who has ever had anything to do with football and shot them into space.
|
| DudeYoureGettingGoodell: welp |
| GuyOnTheInternet: thanks a lot, OBAMACARE
|
