Big development this week: the Oakland Raiders have managed to wrest quarterback Carson Palmer from the clutches of the Cincinnati Bengals, but they have given up a first-round draft pick to do so.
Football Guys: The Raiders Acquire Carson Palmer For Every Draft Pick Ever And A Million Billion Dollars
On Tuesday, the Oakland Raiders traded away a first-round pick for Carson Palmer, who is maybe like the 14th-best quarterback in the league. In today’s Football Guys, the franchise turns to a new, already-scribbled-on page.
Big development last week: over at This Is My Next, Joshua Topolsky experimented with Siri, Apple’s new iOS feature, and found that it will make jokes, pithily dismiss other jokes, and suggest places to hide corpses, of all things. It looks like pretty much the greatest thing ever, and we are now a warp core, a Holodeck, and an over-emphasis of an half-robotic character away from living in Star Trek.
Both of these matters are discussed in today’s Football Guys chat room. Synergy!
| **Online Host** Welcome to Oakland Raiders Chat! | |
| HueJackCity: Bad news everyone, Jason Campbell is out for the season. |
| TerrelleGhostbusters: oh no what happened |
| HueJackCity: He fell inside of a volcano. |
| TerrelleGhostbusters: volcanoes are no joke, i once made one with bakin' pop and vinegar |
| HueJackCity: Did you just What did you just call "baking soda" |
| TerrelleGhostbusters: bakin' pop |
| HueJackCity: /pencils Terrelle Pryor four spots lower on depth chart |
| TerrelleGhostbusters: oh come on there's no way we have 13 quarterbacks on the roster |
| HueJackCity: Uh yeah, we had Jason Campbell, then Kyle Boller, then six jack-o-lanterns |
| HueJackCity: Now it is Kyle Boller, then seven jack-o-lanterns, then you, then a dozen of those tiny pumpkins that are too small to carve so you pretty much just have to draw on them with markers instead |
| TerrelleGhostbusters: yeah but you haven't given me a chance |
| HueJackCity: Yes we have. The one major critique I have with your game is that upon receiving the snap, you pump-fake over and over whlie just running to the locker room and putting it in your locker along with every other football we have tried to play scrimmage with. |
| TerrelleGhostbusters: don't see why i can't, the dentist lets me keep the sunglasses i have to wear when i have to go to the dentist |
| HueJackCity: But, no, you |
| HueJackCity: OK well that's a fair point, but |
| **SIRI** Searching for nearest dentist... | |
| **SIRI** There are no dentists in OAKLAND, CA | |
| HueJackCity: well yeah i'm sure if there was ever a dentist in Oakland then Al Davis would have gone there, did you ever look at his-- wait, who said that |
| TerrelleGhostbusters: it's Siri, coach! came along with this fancy new iPhone i got! it's going to be part of my halloween costume |
| HueJackCity: What costume? |
| TerrelleGhostbusters: young black person who is well-paid and uses his money to buy nice things |
 | WANNABEABALLER: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH |
| HueJackCity: Okay so what is Siri though |
| **SIRI** The latest craze!!!!! | |
| HueJackCity: I love crazes Nice to meet you, craze |
| HueJackCity: You aren't a techno-craze, are you |
| **SIRI** I am a techno-craze! | |
| HueJackCity: omg omg omg OMG |
| HueJackCity: ok so uh ok so Siri, what should we do about the quarterback situation |
| **SIRI** Are you looking for FREE AGENT QUARTERBACKS? | |
**SIRI** | |
| HueJackCity: lol oh God stop, this is basically 2005: The List
|
| **SIRI** Okay, then. Do you want to trade for a quarterback? | |
| HueJackCity: Yeah, who's available?
|
| **SIRI** CARSON PALMER is available, but he will be very difficult to trade for because of the ongoing situation involving Bengals owner Mike-- | |
| HueJackCity: ok fine, I've heard of him, who do I have to trade away |
| **SIRI** A first-round draft pick, a million billion dollars, everyone on your team, the contents of your pockets, a musical instrument crudely fashioned from the skeleton of Jim Thorpe so that Mike Brown may compose an anthem that will resurrect the-- | |
| HueJackCity: OK yes fine, whatever, next question. Siri, do you think that so-called "smart phones" are the "wave of the future" or the next "dot-com disaster"? |
| **SIRI** It seems as though smartphones are here to stay. And you can take that to the bank -- er, the E-bank, that is! | |
| HueJackCity: the e-bank? what OH OMG IT'S MAKING JOKES ABOUT ONLINE BANKING I'VE SEEN COMMERCIALS ABOUT THAT |
| TerrelleGhostbusters: Coach could I please have my phone back |
| HueJackCity: NO |
| HueJackCity: Siri, I have a lot of folks who I would like to email but I keep forgetting what their email addresses are, what should I do |
| **SIRI** Try creating an "address book." That way, you can search for contacts by name when you'd like to email them. Best of all, most email services offer this feature for free! | |
| HueJackCity: o m g you are so smart |
| HueJackCity: Siri, do you think that it is important to keep up with the latest tech gizmos in an increasingly dot-com world |
| **SIRI** I think that it is very important! | |
| TerrelleGhostbusters: Coach Coach, seriously, you have totally messed up our team, now Fred from Scooby-Doo is our starting quarterback and you have mortgaged away our long-term future |
| **SIRI** Searching for people who give a s*** about the Raiders' long-term future... | |
| HueJackCity: Siri I beat Solitaire and now cards are going every which way and that, I fear I may have burst the dot-com bubble, please advise |
Football Guys is a spinoff of The Dugout, a baseball-oriented series of cussy chat room conversations created in 2004 by Jon Bois, Brandon Stroud, and Nick Dallamora. You can read the latest installments of The Dugout at With Leather.
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