NFL took care of some important business this week at its owners meeting. This amalgamation of rich men huddled in a Dallas hotel ballroom approved the sale of the Jacksonville Jaguars to Shahid Khan and inked a lucrative nine-year, $28 billion extension of the league's broadcast television rights. The league also moved forward with the creation of a venture capital fund worth $32 million that will invest in technologies that enhance the league's central product, professional football.
Investment Suggestions For The NFL Venture Capital Fund
The NFL is creating a new venture capital fund to invest in technologies that improve the fan experience. We, the fans, are pleased to offer the league some investment ideas.
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“The aim of it is to invest in various technologies and companies that we think are doing great things that will make our world better but also the experience in the NFL better,” explained commissioner Roger Goodell. “They may or may not be NFL partners. They may be people who provide technology in our stadiums, on our fields, as part of media. We will look at those different technologies. We’ll have a committee that will be making those decisions. And we’re very excited about it.”
It only makes sense that the NFL would start a venture capital fund; everything the league touches turns to gold. Seven months ago, we were talking about the possibility of no football season, staled by the trench warfare of labor negotiations. Now, it’s as if none of that ever happened. 23 of the 25 most-watched shows on television this fall were NFL games.
All the league does is win, and by win, of course, I mean make money. Why not start a venture capital fund?
Now that the league has $32 million to invest in the fan experience, we fans would like to suggest a few potential investments that could make the league even more money.
Frank Caliendo SIRI technology
There must be a sizable audience who appreciates the comedy stylings of the working man’s Rich Little, despite how reviled he is on Twitter every Sunday morning. Using Caliendo to replicate and expand on Apple’s popular automatron personal assistant would bring even more comedy to the masses. Imagine the ability to ask John Madden where the nearest urgent care clinic is or talking religion with Terry Bradshaw. This would convert every last flip phone owner into another smart phone addled techie.
Frank does DeNiro too? Where does he come up with this stuff?!
Preseason fantasy football
Dynasty leagues, playoff teams, pick 'em pools, the popularity of fantasy football is sweeping the nation. There's something for everyone, from the casual fan to the guy who keeps a spreadsheet on players during the season. However, there's a gaping hole in August. Why let those four football games go to waste? Preseason fantasy football would cash in on the excitement of the season. Of course, this fantasy game is not for the faint of heart as players get injured and scrubs rack up most of the fantasy points; you have to know your stuff. One similarity to the regular season, you can still start anyone who plays the Colts.
An NFL magazine
Print wouldn't be dying if the NFL ran it. A monthly glossy for millions of NFL fans who like to stay timely with trends and information would have them lining up at newsstands. Wait, this already exists and Tim Tebow is on the cover?
Tim TeBots
Ironic that you can scientifically prove that people love a quarterback who probably doesn't like science much himself. Creating robotic clones of Tim Tebow would sprinkle even more popularity throughout the league. Of course, they would have use them strategically, being careful not to saturate. The league could use a few a TeBots to pump up some of those inflexible prime time games. They could loan them out to teams like the Rams to boost sagging ticket sales. Also, since it's a proven fact that the triple option converts heathens at a twice the normal rate, the league could lease them to missionary groups during the offseason.
Six more of these? Yes, please.
Mexican Cell Phone Technology
Mobile’s big right now, hence two mobile technologies on the list. It’s like plastics. In the wake of the Carrier IQ flap, untraceable, super private cell phones will be more popular than ever, and not just with entrepreneurial players with glamorous side businesses. For fans, it would take the awkwardness out of trying to tell a friend to bring an eight ball to the Super Bowl party. As an additional incentive, owning one of these phones gives you a 15 percent discount at all Morton’s Steakhouse restaurants, and if you get arrested on the premises, you eat free.
I’m not an investor, but as a fan I thought these ideas might at least be a starting place for NFL’s venture capital fund. There’s bound to be even better ideas out there.
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