The ESPN3 Chronicles have gone off the rails

I took Friday off from the ESPN3 Chronicles, please forgive me. Although yesterday I chose to spend my time on a beautiful day outside instead of watching really weird sports on my computer, I assure you my dedication to watching really weird sports on my computer is as firm as ever.

We’ll admit: some days in the first week of the ESPN3 Chronicles, the ESPN3 crop wasn’t as plentiful as I hoped. “Haha, look, these two countries are playing in lacrosse! They’re different countries this time!”

That’s because while ESPN3 airs some crazy stuff during the week, what they’re waiting for is the weekend, a 17-course buffet of crazy options from across the globe.

Here’s a sampling:

This is a video game tournament. It is people playing video games -- specifically, Defense of the Ancients, a mod of Warcraft 3.

Now is not the time to debate whether or not video games -- eSports -- are sports. They certainly entail tons of strategy and skill acquired over hours and hours and hours of training. They certainly have fans -- there are thousands inside KeyArena, where the Sonics used to play, to watch this. And they certainly award a lot of money to the winners -- $10 million is the pool for this tournament. Our James Dator would like to make the argument that they are sports.

Now is the time to simply marvel that ESPN is broadcasting this, whether or not you think it is sports.

Ultimate frisbee is really fun to play. However, there is a Truism Of Ultimate Frisbee: The more somebody takes ultimate frisbee seriously, the less enjoyable they are to play frisbee.

“Hey, let’s throw the frisbee!” -- Fun person to play frisbee with

“Hey, let’s toss the disc! ” -- less fun person to play frisbee with

“ONEmississipTWOmisssissipTHREEmisisiFOURmisisiFIVESIXSEVENEIGHTmissisiip DUDE YOU’RE STALLING THAT’S A TURNOVER” -- the least fun person to play frisbee with

So this is semi-pro ultimate frisbee. Obviously, these people take ultimate frisbee very seriously, and we’re kinda curious how that looks.

why can we watch 12 year old girls playing softball on our computer

WE ARE DIEHARD ZOUKS FANS

ZOUKS TIL WE DIE

Not the drag racing -- not the drag racing we know and love and live and die for

Just drag racing qualifying.

why can we watch 9-year-old boys playing baseball on our computer

Second-division soccer! Because too many people are watching the MLS.

There are three Arena Football games on here, so I picked the one that sounded most made up.

There’s nothing more fun than being from a place and finding out there’s a sports team you’ve never heard of. Now that I know they exist, I will literally kill any person who implies the New York Lizards are not the best Major League Lacrosse team.