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Come Fan with UsThursday, June 25, 2026

Matthew Stafford’s going to spend his new money on a bunch of diapers

More like Dad-tthew Stafford.

The Lions made Matthew Stafford the NFL’s highest-paid player ever on Monday night, giving him a five-year extension worth $135 million. The deal includes a $50 million signing bonus and a potential for $92 million guaranteed.

At the very least, he has $60.5 fully guaranteed at signing. That’s a lot of bread — bread that’s going to be spent on diapers.

“I’m assuming it’s going to be a big change,” Stafford told the Detroit Free Press in April on becoming a dad. “Not as many naps, which is disappointing.”

Big change in life? Yes. Big change in diapers? You bet.

Don’t these look like a couple of healthy babies who are going to take Big Heapin’ Poops? Good thing Stafford had a great season last year.

It’s a smart way to spend his money — responsible, too. Derek Carr went the Chick-fil-A route, which is one that I’d go as well if I got a fat NFL contract.

As the children get older, Stafford’s spending habits might change, but he won’t be short on money.

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