Mike Leach was asked for wedding advice, and his 2-minute response sums it up perfectly

Outside of coaching, Washington State’s Mike Leach is known for his hilarious quotes he gives during interviews. So far this season, he’s talked about goths and has weighed in on the great candy corn debate. On Tuesday, video surfaced of possibly his greatest quote yet. Leach was asked for wedding advice by a reporter getting married in a few days. Leach’s response is a thing of beauty:

Here’s the jist of Leach’s full response:

“The women lose their mind. Your fiancee’s gonna lose her mind, your mother-in-law is gonna lose her mind, your mom is gonna lose her mind, several of your sisters, and female relatives are gonna lose their mind. And, they’re gonna barrage you with constant questions — ‘what should we wear?’ and of course my answer was ‘I don’t care.’ And then ‘what color should the invitations be?’ ‘I don’t care.’ ‘What should we have for dessert?’ ‘I don’t care.’ ‘Should we sit this way, or that way?’ ‘I don’t care.’”

“But see, I don’t care’s not satisfactory at all, and you’re going to get caught in a catch-22 — and I’m certain that you already have — and that catch-22 is, ‘Well I want you to be a part of this too, so what color invitations?’ ‘Alright, the blue ones.’ ‘Well I kind of like the tan ones’ — ‘OK the tan ones then.’ ‘Oh you’re jut saying that because you want this over, you’re not even thinking about it’ — which is, of course, true. ‘What do you want for dessert?’ ‘I was thinking strawberry shortcake.’ ‘Oh, OK, strawberry shortcake would be good. Well, what about the blueberry pie?’ ‘Well I like the blueberry pie, we could have the blueberry pie’ — ‘Well I thought you wanted to have the strawberry shortcake?!’”

“And it’s just gonna go back and forth, and they’re just going to play keep away from you until after you’re married. There’s no answer that you give that’s going to be satisfactory or correct. And if you successfully please a few of them, a few others will be ‘Oh, well I just don’t feel like he’s that interested.’ So you need to work late, go in the back room and read a lot of books, take the groomsmen out so you make sure that they march in just right, and they know exactly, you know these swell outfits that you picked out, or however you’re doing it. And in the end, you’ll wish you eloped. You need to find excuses that they’ll buy to be as far out of harm’s way as you possibly can.”

This isn’t the first time Leach has talked given love life advice in the past. In 2013, he had this to say about dating in Provo, Utah, where he had his first date with his wife.

“Went to A&W [for my first date with my wife],” Leach said via the Spokesman-Review. “Had just finished a rugby game, went to A&W, had a coupon book. She said, ‘What are you getting?’ She’s looking at the menu, ‘What looks good? What are you getting?’ I handed her the 2-for-1 coupon book. I said, ‘I don’t know, but here’s the menu.’ Seems to me we got some kind of bacon hamburger thing. She got a root beer freeze. I do remember that.

“Then there was a Polynesian food place called the Bamboo Hut but that was closed at that point,” Leach continued. “The Bamboo Hut was a middle of the day thing that was open from like 11 to 3 or something like that. That was a Joe Salave’a kind of place.”

He also added this about dating in Pullman, Wash.:

“I would go to Black Cypress if you really want to make a good impression,” Leach said via the newspaper. “If you want just good, solid food and aren’t as into the atmosphere, I’d go to Mongolian Fire, which I really like. So one of those two. But if you go to the more high-end Black Cypress, I’d talk to Nick beforehand because he has the menu and it’s all really good. He’s got some great appetizers and he’ll come by and keep hitting you up – here’s this, try that – and I think it should work out really well.”

Please never change, Leach.