ESPN oracle Adam Schefter reports via tweet that Taylor Mays is being offered up to the rest of the NFL by the San Francisco 49ers via email. What could that email possibly look like?
The 49ers Are Dangling Taylor Mays As Trade Bait Via Email
TO: everyteamintheNFLwithoutAlexSmith@nfl.com
FROM: holycrapweresignedAlexSmith@niners.com
SUBJECT: One Gently Used Safety Available (Fifth-Round Pick OBO!?)
Dear friends,
You are receiving this email because you are an NFL team that did not select TAYLOR MAYS in the 2010 NFL Draft. Congratulations! Have we got a deal for you today!? The San Francisco 49ers would like to trade you one (1) gently used TAYLOR MAYS in exchange for ... just come up with something, okay?
Here is the complete TAYLOR MAYS features list:
- Comes “without any tangible football skills”
- Is nonetheless incredibly adept at
tacklinghurting football players
- Can Dougie (CAREFUL SOME FOOTBALL LANGUAGE), in case your team finds itself in a dance competition in September 2010
- Has a name that may confuse other offensive coordinators into thinking a woman plays football
- Started six games in rookie season!
- Former 49ers defensive coordinator totally doesn’t regret that, either!
- Blamed his college coach for his NFL Draft position
- Probably has the phone number of some USC Song Girls
- Is totally not a secret Muslim like that Obama guy
The choice is clear: you should trade for TAYLOR MAYS. Don’t wait for the Groupon! Act now!
Your Bro,
Jim Harbaugh
P.S.: By law, the words “Obama” and “Muslim” must appear in all emails of over 15 words sent to more than 20 recipients.
P.P.S.: JUST KIDDING. These Marin County guys told me to write that!
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