NFL Week 1: Complete kickoff Sunday coverage

Buffalo Bills rookie RB Karlos Williams ran 26 yards for a touchdown at the end of the second quarter to extend his team’s lead to 17-0 over the Colts.

But what made this super special was his TD rush featured BUD LIGHT in the TV shot!

The Post-Mortem is provided as a courtesy by the SB Nation Department of Football Epidemiology. We do not have a medical license or scientific training of any sort. We barely passed chemistry, if you want to know the truth.

HYPERALTRUISTIC DISTRESS SYNDROME

Scoragami is a word I just invented, and it refers to the act, and art, of producing a final score in a football game that has never happened before. A final score of, say, 108-0 would certainly count as NFL scoragami, but I think it’s far more interesting to look numbers that are more reasonable in quantity while remaining eminently weird in shape.

A perfect example of this is Thursday night’s Seahawks-Packers game, which Seattle won 36-16. It was the first 36-16 game in NFL history, including the regular season and playoffs. This game so easily could have been a 34-17 game, which of course has happened dozens of times. All it takes, really, is one little weird-ass thing.

Rory McIlroy is chilling out in Denver tonight, and why not? You just finished playing in the BMW Championship, so you might as well unwind. If you happen to be in town watching Sunday Night Football, then you have a chance to meet the world No.1, because he’s taking photos with everybody!

Here he is with Graeme McDowell and some random guys.

Selected No. 1 overall in the 2014 NFL Draft, Clowney was outstanding in the preseason, and made an impact against Washington with a 9-yard tackle for loss. He was held in check otherwise, though he played less than a half’s worth of snaps.

Earlier reports indicated that Clowney would undergo more testing Monday. The Texans will be hoping for better news after Rapoport’s initial report.

Romo will bear the brunt of criticism against Dallas in the coming days. He finished 23-for-37 passing for 281 yards, but committed three turnovers that led to 14 points for the 49ers. Fingers should also be pointed at an injury-decimated defense, however. The 49ers’ first-team offense did not score a touchdown in four preseason games, but they found the end zone three times Sunday. San Francisco racked up 316 total yards to 382 for Dallas, but the Niners made the most of their opportunities.

The second half of the game was quiet. The 49ers didn’t score any more points, and the Cowboys didn’t commit any more turnovers. The point was proven in the first half, anyway. Both teams had serious questions entering the regular season, but at a glance it appears the 49ers were just playing possum.

1.) Derek Anderson held down the fort

2.) The Panthers have a few weapons on offense

I love cereal. I probably eat cereal every day. I eat the boring stuff like Cheerios and the sweet stuff like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I eat cereal plain, I eat cereal with milk. Cereal is great. It powers me through my life.

I do not love cereal as much as this fan at the Bucs-Panthers game:

Tony Romo, this one’s for you. It’s a lesson in why you don’t leave your star receiver hanging out to dry and throw into triple coverage -- because stuff like this happens.

This hit by Antoine Bethea is likely the biggest you’ll see in all of football this week. At least Dez is still on the field, because this seriously looks like a driver’s ed film.

Here is a picture of the game between the San Francisco 49ers and Dallas Cowboys. It is a home game for the Dallas Cowboys:

In fairness, these figure to be two of the most explosive offenses in the league, but 1,040 yards of combined yardage is not a good look for either defense. The Saints secondary was shredded despite the addition of big-money safety free agent Jairus Byrd. Both teams struggled to tackle in the open field and the two defensive fronts combined for just one sack.

Burfict will not return after suffering a concussion on the play.

Yeah, we’re just going to be watching this GIF for the rest of the day.

Awwww:

Hey, you’d be sad too if you got headbutted in the crotch...

UPDATE: White returned to the game in second half, so it appears he avoided anything serious.

White suited up for every game the Falcons played from 2005 through 2012, but was gimpy last season, missing three games and struggling when he was on the field. He was proving Sunday why he is so important to Atlanta when healthy, with three catches for 55 yards and a touchdown before halftime.

UPDATE No. 3: Clowney will miss up to six weeks, according to a report from NFL.com’s Ian Rapoport.

UPDATE No. 2: According to a report from Breer, Clowney suffered a MCL injury and the injury could cause him to miss Week 2 and possibly longer.

The Steelers are roughing up the Browns in the first half in Pittsburgh. After a drop-kick to the head by Antonio Brown, punter Spencer Lanning understandably went flying to his back. Mitchell Schwartz’s dive is a little harder to explain. Granted, he may not have seen it coming, but this mild chuck from Brett Keisel was enough to send this 320-pound lineman straight to his knees. With the tackle on the ground just an instant after the snap, that left two Pittsburgh rushers mostly unimpeded to the QB. Go Browns!

While the 49ers are in a better position than the Cowboys at this point, the Cowboys have won the last three meetings between the two teams. Of course, those meetings occurred in 2005, 2008 and 2011, while the 49ers have only recently turned things around. The 49ers have some significant issues with injuries and disciplinary action on their hands, so the Cowboys making it four straight wouldn’t be the strangest thing to happen.

Let’s take a look at the two teams:

The two teams will meet on Sunday for their season opener. If the Buccaneers are going to make a statement this year, there’s no better place then at home against a divisional rival in the opener.

Carolina’s defense is as solid as they get, but this game could easily come down to how well the Buccaneers manage to harass Newton throughout the game.

Brown was actually called for unnecessary roughness on the play, but those 15 yards didn’t really matter. The Steelers scored on the very next play! With Lanning uninjured, and the Steelers still scoring, this dropkick-hurdle maneuver turned out to be the perfect summation and highlight of the first half.

OH, MAN, THIS ANGLE:

YEAAAHHHH WE LOVE FOOTBALL

YEEEAHHHHH LET’S RECITE LINES FROM TOP GUN AT EACH OTHER YEEEAAAAHHHH

UPDATE: Cam Newton has been listed as inactive. The Carolina Panthers have announced Derek Anderson will start against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Jay Glazer reported the team was leaning toward starting Anderson on Sunday morning and that the team fears Newton could be out 3-4 weeks.

Everyone knows that Chip Kelly likes his teams to play fast. But there’s “hurry-up offense” fast and then there’s “Barry Allen” fast.

SLOW DOWN CHIP KELLY YOU ARE WARPING SPACE-TIME.

Harbaugh’s dedication to the team has reportedly come into question and with two years remaining on his contract, Rapoport still wonders whether Harbaugh will be around to finish it out.

No coach has ever been to a conference championship game three consecutive years to begin his pro football career, but Harbaugh still might be on the hot seat. If the 49ers get off to a slow start, does everything fall apart like a house of cards? Harbaugh has a very abrasive, in-your-face style. Undoubtedly, he has rubbed some of his players the wrong way.