English Premier League 2011, Week 11 Preview And Fixtures: The Week Casuals Are Made Of

12:45 GMT (8:45 AM ET); St. James’ Park
Two years ago Everton were a club that knew how to balance the expectations of a fanbase following a storied team adjusting to a new reality while maintaining hope for a better future while Newcastle were an absolute disaster if a big club that had completely llost the plot and doomed themselves to irrelevance.

The lesson here is we should stop trying to predict the future because we are all really stupid.

Pick: Newcastle, 2-1

15:00 GMT (11:00 AM ET); Emirates Stadium
In order to accurately predict this game I feel as though I will need to watch Sybil 12 times in a row without sleeping.

*watches Sybil 12 times in a row without sleeping*

Marcia is kinda hot.

Pick: Arsenal 3-1

15:00 GMT (11:00 AM ET); Villa Park

It’s actively painful for me to say this, but if Aston Villa can’t win this game they need to move to the top of the list of shock relegation candidates. Villa have done nothing to prove they’re capable of doing a whole lot more than drawing, and an attainable shellacking would go a long way towards turning down the heat on Alex McLeish.

Pick: Aston Villa, 1-0

15:00 GMT (11:00 AM ET); Ewood Park
God, really? This game is going to be so ridiculously bad. We all know (roughly) what is going to happen; either Chelsea is going to absolutely massacre Blackburn and win by some absurd number or Rovers will manage to hold the Blues by playing a boring style no one wants to see and lose 2-0 or some equally face saving score line. No one enjoys these games but everyone watches them and they’re dumber and less interesting for it.

Pick: Chelsea, 3-0

15:00 GMT (11:00 AM ET); Anfielld

This game is like Star Wars if Luke had been really bad at shooting womp rats.

Pick: Liverpool, 4-1

15:00 GMT (11:00 AM ET); Old Trafford
This is one of those games where it’s tempting for some people to talk about the understated danger of Sunderland, the silky playmaking skills of Stephane Sesseegnon and the untapped potential of Nciklas Bendtner, the intangible benefit of having ex-United man Wes Brown in the side.

United played one of the world’s best forwards as a midfielder this week just because why the hell not.

Pick: United, 3-1

17:30 GMT (1:30 PM ET); Loftus Road
Do you remember when everyone thought the signing of Joey Barton would be a crucially important turning point in the season? I totally fell for it. Did I somehow forget City had signed Kun Aguero and Samir Nasri? That seems like just a wee tiny bit of an oversight.

Pick: City: 4-1

12:30 GMT (8:30 AM ET); Molineaux Stadium

Wolves and Wigan could not be more different in terms of the styles they play, but for whatever reason the same people seem to like them equally. I’m just as guilty. Honestly I’m just kind of hoping Mick and Roberto decide that football is a waste of time and start a crime fighting duo. They’d get allllllll the ladies.

Pick: Draw, 2-2

15:00 GMT (11:00 AM ET); Reebok Stadium
Oh god.

Pick: Stoke, 2-1

15:00 GMT (11:00 AM ET); Craven Cottage
Spurs are clearly a lot better and Fulham has been really boring so far this season but it really seems like the Cottagers are due for a breakthrough game and a move towards a more attacking style. Not this week though; did you miss the bit where Spurs are a lot better?