NFL Week 2, 2013: Packers, Broncos cruise to wins; Seahawks stomp rival 49ers

Cause of Death: The shortest field St. Louis faced all day was 74 yards, and the average starting position for a Rams drive was their own 17-yard line. This was, in part, the result of four penalties St. Louis accrued on kick or punt returns - two for holding and two for illegal blocks. It’s difficult for most teams to consistently drive 80+ yards. Asking Sam Bradford to do it is like eating sushi at an airport: do it too much, and you end up with hurt feelings and abscesses.

Cause of Death: Washington’s offense went 0-5 on third downs in the first two quarters, which was especially lackluster considering the average yardage needed on those plays was only six yards. There was improvement in the second half, when the Redskins went 3-6 (while still averaging around six yards to go on third down), but that’s sort of like finally shutting off the gas line after your house has burned to the foundations.

The NFL can provide gruesome sights: helmet-to-helmet hits, Andy Reid at a buffet, Packers-themed weddings. Nightmare Lounge will catalogue Things That Should Never Be Seen, and you will look at them for the same reason you watch replays of knee injuries: you are a moth to the flame of the macabre.

First up:

The loss dropped Pittsburgh to 0-2.

Roethlisberger threw one touchdown, but finished the game with just 251 passing yards and an interception. A good chunk of his passing yards came on the final possession.

It ended with Marvin Lewis getting a free piggyback ride from Polamalu:

NFL quarterbacks: they laugh just like us!

Bootsy Collins, the incredibly funky bassist for George Clinton with Parliament-Funkadelic, is a Cincinnati native. And yes, when he goes to Bengals games, he wears pretty much exactly the same thing he wears the rest of the time:

He’s got his typical crazy hat and star-sequined glasses combo, except he’s brought along the orange-and-black tiger-striped bandana to support the Bengals.

Tampa Bay, on the other hand, has now dropped two consecutive games on game-winning field goals at the gun.

Over at Canal Street Chronicles, Dave Cariello talked about the defense for New Orleans.

Sunday’s NFL contests were notable for a number of injuries to key players, including several star running backs whose statuses are very much in question for Week 3. Here’s a rundown of Sunday’s notable injuries and their impact.

Bush injured his left knee in the second quarter of Sunday’s loss at Arizona when it was struck by the helmet of Cardinals safety Tony Jefferson. Although he returned to action briefly, the Lions running back admitted it significantly hurt his play.

Head coach Gus Bradley wouldn’t make a definitive call on who plays under center next Sunday, but was happy with Henne’s play, per Jacksonville.com

• NFL Week 2 scores, updates and GIFs

Third-round pick High Thornton, who spent most of the offseason practicing on the right side, will takes the place of Thomas.

• NFL Week 2 scores, updates and GIFs

Did you think that RGIII would step out onto the field in Week 1, decked out in a branded t-shirt not meeting NFL approval, and pick up exactly where he left off in 2012? I did. A part of me did, at least.

We like to assume that things don’t change, especially the things that we remember most fondly. The lake where I grew up is now a tepid, bile-green cesspool churned by coked-up dentists in speedboats and surrounded by condos free from septic system regulations. It’s not the lake where my dad and I caught buckets full of crappie before 11 a.m. It’s not the same lake where a wide-eyed 18-year-old me once danced with forty-something ladies to Foreigner songs ... okay, it still kind of is that lake, but you get the point.

Bush is optimistic he won’t have to sit out for any games, however, according to the USA Today.

• NFL Week 2 scores, updates and GIFs

• NFL Week 2 scores, updates and GIFs

• Seahawks ground and pound 49ers

Aside from the Packers blowout of the Redskins, eight of the nine early games in Week 2 were within one score at the end. The afternoon games were a little slower ahead of a hard-hitting night cap in Seattle.

Here are all your scores from around the league:

But Lynch stole the show, rushing for two touchdowns and catching another. He was unquestionably the difference in the game, though both defenses played well throughout.

The Seahawks were favored by three points, according to Odds Shark. They easily covered the spread.

Pete Carroll is up 5-0 as of this writing, but his offense isn’t doing so well. So he’s grouchy...

Thanks for the fly-by, Pete

Watch:

Pete Carroll heard the fake whistle, but his protestations fell on deaf ears from the refs ... the real refs.

Brees led the offense 54 yards down the field to setup the game-winning kick.

Brees mostly struggled, finishing with 322 yards, one touchdown and two interceptions.

It wasn’t seven touchdowns, but the elder Manning beat his younger brother in the head-to-head matchup, 41-23.

The unsung heroes of Sunday’s game will be the Broncos’ defensive backs. They did an excellent job covering a talented group of Giants receivers and intercepting Eli four times in the victory. The addition of Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie was a sage one and could be what puts the Broncos over the top this season.

The win was the Raiders’ first of the season, while the Jaguars are still winless.

Darren McFadden was the only worthwhile fantasy player in Sunday’s game. He rushed for 129 yards but also lost a fumble.

Reggie Bush briefly left the game with a knee injury, but he returned shortly afterwards sporting a brace. Larry Fitzgerald came out with a hamstring injury and did not return.

The Lions were 1-point favorites entering the game and failed to cover by losing.

• NFL Week 2 scores, updates and GIFs

• Malcom Floyd leaves stadium in ambulance after scary neck injury

Weeden injured his thumb and was taken to the locker room to be evaluated. Campbell went 1-of-4 for 6 yards and the Ravens were able to run out the clock after the Browns turned it over on downs. Weeden was 21-of-33 for 227 yards, without a touchdown or an interception.

Baltimore’s offense also has some questions to answer after struggling for much of the game against the Browns.

Griffin’s stat line recovered nicely by the end of the day, throwing for 320 yards and three touchdowns with one interception, but his running game still isn’t close to what it was last season when he ran for 815 yards and seven touchdowns. Griffin ran for one yard on four carries on Sunday against Green Bay.

It will be interesting to see how Griffin and Shanahan respond to the slow start and whether or not the offense will be as effective it was last season. It might have to be incredible if it’s going to catch up to what the defense is allowing.

The Eagles entered the game as 7.5-point favorites. They exited as three-point losers.

Philadelphia vs. Kansas City, Sept. 19, 8:25 p.m. ET