English Premier League, Week 5: Fernando Torres’ Awful Miss Stands Out As United Win 3-1

Well, that was all rather good fun, wasn’t it?

Because football is a nonsensical waste of everybody’s time, it is at its best when it’s certifiably mental. When things happen that don’t normally happen, when talent and endeavour is undercut at every level by base comedy and farce, and when the open mouth, the shaking head, the belly laugh and the ‘well well well. Stap me, eh?’ replace the usual chorus of carp and counter-carp, at least for a bit.

It’s a shockingly incredible miss to the point that it is difficult to laugh at what should be a hilarious play. It’s comical to miss a shot like that, but with how bad it has gotten for Torres, you just feel bad for the guy. You just want him to get it together a little bit because things have sunk so low. Just...wow.

It took only seconds of second half play for Chelsea fans to be given hope and it was Torres of all people who gave them that hope. He came racing in on goal and deftly chipped the ball with the outside of his foot over David de Gea and the Blues were within two.

That goal was supposed to ignite Torres and get him back on track, but it did nothing of the sort. Later on, he did a brilliant job to dribble his way to within 15 yards and force de Gea into a good save. The ball came back to him though and he had another crack at goal from straight away, but he put the ball over the bar.

148 days after he last scored for Chelsea, Fernando Torres put the ball in the back of the net against Manchester United to end a goal scoring drought that was nearing 11 hours of in-match play. It’s been a dreadful start to his Blues career for Torres, but even those who delight in Torres’ struggles have to appreciate the skill in this goal. To roll in and chip the ball with the outside of the foot looks easy, but only because Torres does it so cooly. It’s a shot most players cannot pull off, let alone as well as Torres pulls it off here.

The goal came just seconds into the second half and cut the United lead to 3-1. It’s still a long ways back for Chelsea, but it’s do-able. Maybe this is the goal that gets Torres back on track again? We’ve seen before that he can bring a team back all by himself. Could he do it now for Chelsea? Doubtful.

Seriously though, what are Mata and Terry doing? Mata is little and probably gets confused by the idea of tackling, but he could at least pretend to try. Terry, you’re a defender and the captain. You’re supposedly an all-world player (it’s been a while since he was that though). How about trying some of that defending? Even so, brilliant shot by Nani. I tip my hat to the Portuguese man.

Head on over to Manchester United blog The Busby Babe and Chelsea FC blog We Ain’t Got No History for more on the two teams and this match. We’ll have coverage of the game and every other match in the Premiership this week in our English Premier League Week 5 StoryStream. For more on the entire world of football, bookmark SB Nation Soccer.

I’m still in absolute disbelief that I just saw that.

Head on over to Manchester United blog The Busby Babe and Chelsea FC blog We Ain’t Got No History for more on the two teams and this match. We’ll have coverage of the game and every other match in the Premiership this week in our English Premier League Week 5 StoryStream. For more on the entire world of football, bookmark SB Nation Soccer.

For good measure, the Red Devils added one more before the break. Phil Jones, apparently oblivious to the fact that he’s a defender, danced his way through the Blues’ defense and found himself in the Chelsea box. Chelsea weren’t able to get the ball clear and in the mess, the ball bounced right in front of goal to Rooney. The on fire striker just smacked the ball home and the Red Devils were well on their way to a win with a 3-0 halftime lead.

Head on over to Manchester United blog The Busby Babe and Chelsea FC blog We Ain’t Got No History for more on the two teams and this match. We’ll have coverage of the game and every other match in the Premiership this week in our English Premier League Week 5 StoryStream. For more on the entire world of football, bookmark SB Nation Soccer.

Ramires had all the time and room in the world and probably should have finished regardless of De Gea’s stunning reaction and great positioning, but there’s no discrediting the Spanish keeper. His save was absolutely fantastic.

Head on over to Manchester United blog The Busby Babe and Chelsea FC blog We Ain’t Got No History for more on the two teams and this match. We’ll have coverage of the game and every other match in the Premiership this week in our English Premier League Week 5 StoryStream. For more on the entire world of football, bookmark SB Nation Soccer.

An equalizer doesn’t look obviously imminent, but it certainly wouldn’t be surprising. Chelsea are playing some solid football.

Head on over to Manchester United blog The Busby Babe and Chelsea FC blog We Ain’t Got No History for more on the two teams and this match. We’ll have coverage of the game and every other match in the Premiership this week in our English Premier League Week 5 StoryStream. For more on the entire world of football, bookmark SB Nation Soccer.

Getting the better of his marker, Torres appeared to have a clear look at a shot at the far post from 12 yards out in the 13th minute, but the Spaniard scuffed his shot, hitting a soft one wide of the post. Two years ago, he would have absolutely buried that. The trials and tribulations of Nando continue.

Head on over to Manchester United blog The Busby Babe and Chelsea FC blog We Ain’t Got No History for more on the two teams and this match. We’ll have coverage of the game and every other match in the Premiership this week in our English Premier League Week 5 StoryStream. For more on the entire world of football, bookmark SB Nation Soccer.

Upon viewing the replay, it’s fairly obvious that Smalling was offside on the free kick and that the goal should not have counting. Still, he hit a good header and Chelsea’s marking was poor. Even if the goal should not have counted, Andre Villas-Boas can’t be happy with his team.

Head on over to Manchester United blog The Busby Babe and Chelsea FC blog We Ain’t Got No History for more on the two teams and this match. We’ll have coverage of the game and every other match in the Premiership this week in our English Premier League Week 5 StoryStream. For more on the entire world of football, bookmark SB Nation Soccer.

Head on over to Manchester United blog The Busby Babe and Chelsea FC blog We Ain’t Got No History for more on the two teams and this match. We’ll have coverage of the game and every other match in the Premiership this week in our English Premier League Week 5 StoryStream. For more on the entire world of football, bookmark SB Nation Soccer.

Not the Reds’ finest moment, eh?

Essien is injured once again, while Rooney looks even better in his trequarista role than he did in May. This should probably make United the slight favorites, but Chelsea have enough talent, an intelligent enough manager and are on good enough form that this is hardly an obvious result.

Chelsea blog We Ain’t Got No History agrees, but for slightly different reasons. They see right back as a potential weak point for United and think that Mata will be difficult to mark for whoever plays that position.

So, at the end of the day, both Villa and Newcastle remain undefeated, but both will be rueing the chance to have picked up three points. A draw isn’t a particularly unfair result, but it’s difficult not to look at this Aston Villa club and think that it could be much more than what it is now.

Instead, Blackburn were gifted an equalizer on a set piece in the 50th minute. On a lofted cross that didn’t appear to present any danger at all to Arsenal, they somehow failed to clear and Song put in an inexplicable own goal off of his knee.

For more on Arsenal, check out The Short Fuse. We’ll have updates on and all of this weekend’s other games in our EPL Week 5 StoryStream. For more on the entire world of football, bookmark SB Nation Soccer.